pure joy

godzilla: humble beginnings

2010-12-20T21:10:00.001-06:00

been a while…

2010-12-20T20:22:00.001-06:00

…and I’m lazy, therefore no updates. I suppose it would help if I had a life… I could post the stories I dream-- elaborate nothings that have no purpose other than to fill my free time: The Romance, Addictions, Thoughts of a Purse, Green Smells. Then there are the stories of my life that I have sufficiently puffed up to the point I can’t remember what is real and what isn’t. I’ve got a few saved up: The Great Mouse Hunt, Departure of the Fins, Flourishing, A Working Tragedy, and The Ultimate Job Search. I can’t imagine that anyone really wants to read any of it, much less be interested, so I don’t post them. Now that I’ve redirected my uselessness, however, I’ve freed up some time. I could probably work some writing back into my life.

A short update in jessicatime: woohoo unemployment, solid business plans for future retirement, updated five year plan (now concretely includes graduate school), justified anger for unresponsive employers, practical daily use of Spanish, breadscakescookies, cooking, yarny crafts and, finally, movies.

I guess we’ll be seeing more of each other soon.

-jcruz

back back back 2

2010-06-23T17:07:00.001-05:00

I’ve returned from my journeys abroad. yes. finally. Since I plan to stay around for a while this time, it’s a good idea to get a job. A job. Oh dear. I’ll have responsibilities and stuff. This is crazy. I don’t even know what to think.

…

In other news, an ant colony has formed somewhere in my car. The ants hide the larvae in the truck lid space and scurry around like crazy when the open trunk exposes their hidden treasures to the outside. I don’t think their headquarters is in the interior of Winston, but maybe in the space under the yellow or in my lights… Crazy ants.

I Tried.

2010-01-22T16:58:00.000-06:00

I did. I tried to make gorditas de nata just now and FAILED. It’s really sad, actually, which is why I had to tell someone. I blame the bad recipe, but it’s probably because I can’t cook, read or reason. I’ll try again tomorrow.

****

So, don’t know if you know this, but I use Windows Live Writer to post to this blog. Big news though: I HATE THE FORMATTING LIVE WRITER HAS FORCED ON ME SINCE I CHANGED MY LAYOUT. Seriously, it’s annoying. It’s giving me little text boxes and double spacing everything and I can’t stand it. I’m twitching, a little.

***

Back to gorditas. I made the dough. I’m just waiting my minutes until the recipe says it’s okay for me to put them on the comal. (I don’t think you can tell, but I just gave the dough a dirty look, like maybe it might be a better dough now.) I’m just really upset that I can’t read. Or think about things logically. Even the cat thinks I’m stupid at this point, and he’s mentally challenged, seriously.

well. it’s time to see of what my gorditas are made. wink.

-jcruz

UPDATE: well, my gorditas de nata turned out to be gorditas de nada. Better luck next time.

changes.

2010-01-21T10:26:00.002-06:00

Actually, yes, I did change the set up of my blog. Just clearing that up.

Also, my arms are completely sore from Wii Sports yesterday. Dang.

thanks,
jcruz

back back back

2010-01-20T23:24:00.000-06:00

Been a while, no? I’ve not been busy, so I have no excuses.

Mexico was great. I love the country and the food, so I have few less-than-good memories (although that could be because I don’t have many bad memories). I’m working on my photoalbum/scrapbook for my time abroad, by studying for China. You know.

...

Latest addiction: Criminal Minds. It’s such a great TV show. Also, Whose Line Is It Anyways is still funny. So funny.

My garage based room is now orange. It’s beautiful and not yet finished.

:::

I learned how to play the drums on Rock Band today. Pokémon is the only video game for me. There is no need for some ability to keep rhythm, see and move in a 3D space, plan ahead or time anything. You probably could play Pokémon without being alive. Probably.

-jcruz

the best little town in texas

2009-11-22T20:33:00.001-06:00

Oh yes, San Marcos, making a place for yourself in the world.

I miss you.

view from the balcony

2009-09-18T00:15:00.001-05:00

mexico blooooggggggg.

2009-07-19T20:54:00.001-05:00

http://jessicainmexico.blogspot.com/

just breathe.

2009-07-09T01:54:00.000-05:00

I should not even be awake at this ungodly hour on this particular day, but I’m anxious, so whatever.

made a set of pillows, a pair of shorts, altered my pants and made a little holder for my important “travel requirements”. yes, actually, it was kinda fun.

i have lots of things before 7am on Friday (including sleep), but now everyone’s in my loop.

goodnight,

jcruz

…on a jetplane

2009-07-07T22:09:00.000-05:00

First things first: now officially shortest child in the family. I know, I cried a little also. I suppose I should say that God blessed me to be space efficient, but, really, I wish I were just a little taller. Five one just isn’t doing it these days. (Thank God for high heels, oh yeah.)

But on to “real” things:

1. Packing sucks. I know I list it as a favorite activity on effbook, but I don’t like doing it.

2. I want to take too much stuff to Mexico with me. This is a problem that I don’t usually have, except that I know that I have it, so I must encounter it more than I think. Golly gee.

3. I leave on Friday. Scares me to no end to know that I’ll be living in someone else’s house in a different country for five months in four days.

4. My camera takes time lapse movies. Thank goodness I learned this because my brother would have had to sit through a half hour vid to see all the fireworks. Conveniently shortened for quick viewing pleasure.

5. You can’t tell because I *coughcough* edit *coughcough* my posts, but I somehow keep mistaking the K key for the L key. Is my finger losing its space in my brain?

6. I can make pillows! I made two very nice pillows. They sort of match the living room’s chairs, but they also kinda don’t, so meh.

7. Going back to studying abroad, I’ve decided to create a separate but connected blog about my adventures elsewhere. I will make an effort to post to this blog, of course, but I’ll end up posting in Spanish (Chinese in the spring, please?) or a mixture. The other separate but connected will be in English and give accounts and stories and whatnot.

8. I have too much clothes.

9. I dominate Mario Party 8. Just saying.

peace homies,

jcruz

10 good things

2009-06-05T22:02:00.000-05:00

new eye prescription in two years!
new hilary duff frames!
new contacts!
swimming for four hours in nasty, disgusting, Luling-tainted San Marcos River water!
a pink pig!
green plums that magically turn red in the dark!
brother graduates tomorrow!
single-handedly using most of my family’s minutes talking to, coughcough, my man!
pokémon!
bedtime!

Life Recipe: Challenges

2009-06-05T21:56:00.000-05:00

1 Pizza Hut

1 Cruz family (7 members)

2 waitresses (out of 7 employees)

3 tables

1 large-family-sized order

(6 plates and 4 napkins, in case)

For dinner, place Cruz family in Pizza Hut at three tables. Give family a waitress to take drink and food orders. Assign waitress to other duties while family waits. Give family drinks, but be sure to never refill drinks- after all, this shouldn’t be a soda party. This is kinda tricky, but give family a small bit of the order- not too much, but enough so that they don’t notice flatware and napkins are not part of the ingredients. If they notice, hand over emergency supplies, and rest of order. Now, just leave them be, they know how to fend for themselves.

Rating: – out of 5 possible stars

---

Worst table service we’ve ever received, and, you know, we’ve had terrible service. I know- seven people at a table is a daunting task. Being a host is a frightening thing, and if you’re not used to handling big tables, you’ve got a pretty good chance you’ll mess something up, which is understandable. We’ve had hosts make mistakes before, we asked them to be corrected, they were, things moved on.

But to be ignored, that is a new one. Being the largest group in the restaurant, seated in the center of the main room, tonight we were the elephant in the room. As such, our drinks were never refilled, plates and napkins were never given to us, we saw both of our waitresses in two settings- bringing us food and serving other tables- which, I’ll have you know, included refills and plates and napkins, speedy clean-up, and a “is everything alright?” every eight minutes or so.

But for us? Nothing. This I cannot understand. I’m talking, like, all of the people working stood behind the counter and watched us. I counted at least seven people working: two I will excuse, maybe, as cooks.

Doesn’t matter though- they all saw my sister accidentally knock over Mark’s drink, but Sam had to go ask for napkins? Mark had to ask for another cup? They brought out our food and left without asking if it was right or if we needed anything? Mark had to go get plates, and, since they apparently cannot count, we were still one plate short.

Come on.

But okay. Father got up to pay, which is maybe the custom for the restaurant (which I will think is true, even if I know it’s not), and Mom had a word with our “primary” waitress about the poor service. They apologized. I will now (try to) think kind thoughts about them (but I might put that particular site on my DENY list).

Point is, challenges have their rewards. Their challenge was providing (at least) courtesy service to a large group, and my challenge is forgiving them for what I perceive as an utter failure on their part.

we found better stuff!

2009-05-12T22:48:00.001-05:00

So, I’ve been applying for jobs, right? I hate Buc-ee’s, but not for any good reason. Probably more because it’s easy for me to pretend to have strong feelings for some convenience store that has somehow managed to accrue such a large cult following, which is absolutely ridik. Anyway, I applied to work there because I figure it wouldn’t be such a bad place, mmmhmmmm? Yeah, well, their application is MORE ridik than their cult following, which, fyi, has spread Buc-ee’s love all over the states. I had to pass a 15 question math test (not too difficult, basic 8th grade math skillz) and another effing ethics test.

Last time I took an ethics test for a job, I failed. Miserably. Meaning I was miserable. I’m just not ethical, except that I am. If a person had been asking the questions, I wouldn’t have had a problem (most likely). I mean, I’m fairly ethical (I think). maybe I’m not and SPOILER ALERT like House END SPOILER I’ve deluded myself. Perhaps, I have, in effect, unethically convinced myself that I am when I am actually not.

Also, the HEB application is remarkably simple in nature. :)

...

Apparently genetics was not part of Roger Clemens’ education, ever. Like, normally sports and rampart drug use blahblahblah isn’t my thing, but really? I was watching the news, and the austin news people actulaly let him sound stupid, again. If you don’t know (I know I didn’t), this morning he refuted his drug use charges, claiming it would be suicidal because his step-father had heart disease.

wtf.

BUT this is an excellent example to open up my next point. Today I decided that the interactions of my siblings have uncanny resemblances to the interactions of internet fiends and trolls. there are mountains and mountains of posts and articles and forum topics devoted to tearing the clemens fellow apart for his apparent ignorance of basic genetics. my siblings do the same thing. they find one thing, and they use, twist, mangle, beat and thoroughly enjoy taking someone out.

when I’m home, it’s me, which is fine. not a bad job to have. I can take it. Still can’t dish it out, but whatevs.

:::

i just burned my mouth eating hot cheetos. just thought I’d get that out there. :)

i won’t be going to SnW this year. :( silly working for money thing always gets me.

but i did find a decent online spanish bible text, to get accustomed to hearing the Word of God in not-English. :)

also, very hot.

j.cruz

Baba Yetu: Sing Along

2009-04-27T15:18:00.001-05:00

So, I really like this song. It's, like, super fun. And catchy. And I swear I've repeated like twenty times. I should go find/buy it somewhere. :)

pharmaceutical discounts

2009-04-21T11:58:00.000-05:00

Hello!

You may or may not know this, but I am officially studying abroad next semester. I will be traveling to the beautiful Mexican city of Guanajuato.

You know, in Chinese it is quite appropriate to go from largest category to smallest category. It makes all sorts of logical sense and is kinda really intuitive.

I leave July 10, and I’ll be back December 10. I’ll probably leave from San Antonio. I want to come back to Houston, and while I have my reasons, most can be countered by equally strong arguments for arriving in SA.

Example:

Houston: Back on Thursday, airport is closer to someone who can pick me up than if I came to SA, less of a disruption of other people’s lives.

SA: As if my parents would care at that point, and I’d still have to find some way back home.

...

“You may have heard of this thing called the recession, which in this other thing called the toilet.” hahahaha

I think people need to be more optimistic. It won’t help the fact that the USA is in a hole, but please, have faith it can get better.

Besides, we can live simpler lives. It won’t hurt most people to live more frugal lives. :) Doesn’t mean we should stop offering help to those less fortunate. It is not an excuse.

:::

countdown to home:

psyc 439 take home
ling 411 paper
chin 102 written part
80s ladies party
final time to altar serve
changeover
:):):)

-jcruz

ps I am totally NOT at a MOBstaff meeting. What a strange release. :/

Five Good Things

2009-04-15T22:30:00.001-05:00

Dollhouse
Bones
late night rendezvous
waterwaterwater
capshun contests

not that many this time ‘round.

because mark posts EVERYDAY

2009-04-14T13:44:00.002-05:00

School is almost over. I keep forgetting things to do or where I left things. I could blame other people, but I think I'm losing it, so I'm not too upset. The rest of the week might be ridiculous.

Tuesday:
2:30p: 跟同学们学中文 (study time with chinese classmate)
3p: termine la examen que olvidó hacer anoche
4~5p: reune con mi compañera de mi clase de español para la presentación mañana
8-10p: Discernment.

Wednesday:
8a: WJR final
11a: 听写 (dictation)
1p: presentación (el impacto de los inmigrantes en los EEUU a la atención médica)
4p: Adoration! :)
(Meet or e-meet with prof about individual paper)

Thursday:
8a: reflection
9:25a: individual paper blitz
(FREEDOM!!!)

Friday:
solamente tengo mi clase de español, y ¡ES EL ÚLTIMO DÍA DE CLASES!

That's probably it.

...

i think i might have a lot of stuff to do for my study abroad (which, btw, i was accepted into, and boy do i have a sad story about that) by tomorrow.

:::

Jesus said to her, "Stop holding on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and tell them, 'I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'" --Jn 20:17

:)

jcruz

Highway Games, the beginning

2009-03-16T01:40:00.000-05:00

An introduction.

If you do not know the story of how I got my driver’s license and you plan for me to drive you somewhere, do not ask. If you know, you probably think I’m ridiculous and don’t know why I haven’t died before now. You also probably don’t let me drive you places.

That being said, I’m not a big fan of the whole driving business. Dad set me behind the wheel a few years back and I am still terrified of the (purely physical) power that driving gives me. I’m fairly certain I will kill someone.* I have this awful-but-actually-quite-hilarious story of my first time in a car.

My dad came home one day and told me it was getting to be that time that I learned how to drive. After some careful thought (and a few “motivating glances” from my mother), I agreed. We hopped into his gold Hyundai Elantra and my father carefully explained to me what was in front of me. I was taught how to turn on the car. Luckily for me, father had thoughtfully parked on the street, so I didn’t have to back out onto Castle Gate. I slowly drove a bit. Very cautiously. Like I said, not the biggest fan. The car moved with my every whim. Frightening. Anyway, once past that obstacle, dad asked me to drive up towards Girard.

I did, simple enough. HOWEVER, if you’ll kindly notice, Girard is on hill. Girard does not go straight up the hill. Girard changes after his encounter with Craddock. The small part of Girard that seems normal, just as he leaves Castle Gate, isn’t. Lies. That small blue line that represents Girard between Castle Gate and Craddock is far more inclined than the rest of Girard. Actually, if truth be told, it’s very difficult for someone short driving a small car to see if there are people driving on Craddock, especially if that short person is on the lower part of the hill, as they would be if they were at the stop sign at Girard and Craddock.

As it was, though, I stopped at the stop sign. You’re probably thinking that I accidented myself with some other car. Fortunately for my father, I did not. Unfortunately for my ego, I did not. I waited, patiently, for my opportunity. There it was! I took it. Daddy’s little car raced across Craddock freely! I crossed Craddock successfully! Then BAM, a loud explosion, a sudden stop, and confusion. Father asked me to pull over, which was kind of redundant given that the car was officially not on any road.

He got off to examine his car. He walked clockwise around the car, stopping occasionally, then, arriving back at his door stopped entirely and laughed. Thinking back on it, it was an ironic laugh. Probably. Then again, he might’ve thought that it was just flat comical. He leaned into the car and asked me to go ahead and get off. I walked around to the passenger side to examine my work, and it wasn’t at all subtle.

I had blown his tire. Like, in successfully fording Craddock, I’d successfully forgotten to go around the curb of upper side Girard. I’d speared his front right tire on a broken piece of the curb, and it had exploded. I walked back to the house to tell mom that I’d ruined dad’s car. My brother stayed with my father to learn how to change a tire.

Story’s probably pretty “like, what is this about?” at this point, I know. The next day my father went to get a replacement for his tire. The saleslady greeted him, and he explained to her why he needed a new tire. She laughed, but paused for a moment, then asked, “But didn’t you get all of your tires replaced yesterday?” Sad day in the life of a first-time driver, comic relief in the lives of a few tire-store people. (They didn’t charge him to replace the tire, that’s how funny they thought it was.)

*Unintentional = manslaughter, unless the prosecution insists that I knew I was going to kill someone, which I do, which makes me irrational. Irrational people tend to be crazy. However, they probably won’t believe that I’m crazy because, one, I study psychology, two, I am familiar with acting, and, three, they won’t get to know me while I’m on trial. If they did, I’d sue. Get to know me that is. Also, I really like this site. Very useful in determining how long of a sentence I’d serve. And, that’s what she said. (Don’t get it? You’re not trying hard enough.)

16 marvelous things

2009-03-15T21:56:00.001-05:00

“Top 25 Most Played” list on iTunes
Working enough to cause soreness
being sore
complaining.
soft CLEAN clothes
four part adventures (plus side quests)
knowing I get to wake up tomorrow and go running :)
beautiful Willy Week weather
wrc
chinese character writing so beautiful it looks printed
bhc3
txtmsgs
summer internships
children!
rick astley :P
thisiswhyyourefat.com

Bonus: probably having more tags than actual items, mostly because you thought of other things while tagging the note. :D

Twelve Good Things

2009-03-05T22:21:00.001-06:00

Terry’s
spring break at the park
jumping fish
new cameras
spring time!
sunny weather
learning how to cook
smiles
discussions about nothing
visiting siblings for surprise lunches
freaking out about your former high school now being a junior high that looks nothing like the school you spent four years of your life in.
chinese cards

jumping jellyfish

2009-03-05T21:54:00.001-06:00

I will probably die from extreme skin cancer. (Is that possible?) Very sad. (This, of course, assumes that I live long enough to die from something that kills over a long time period.) More to the point, I now have an ugly tan line on my right arm. Please note I am now ASYMMETRICAL. this is a big deal. you know this. I’m sort of freaking out. I know- I supposedly recovered from my balancing ocd-like symptoms.

I lied.

...

Jeff Goldblum is fantastic. And getting old.

Anyway. I think I have two more running entries. I’ll work on them. Perfecting them. I think one’ll be installed today. And by today, I probably mean within the week. :D

:::

Tomorrow is my last day of spring break alone with my mother for mother-daughter bonding time. On the agenda: first Friday Mass and FISH FROM TERRY’S. I haven’t thought much further than that. :/

later,

j.cruz

mardi gras, what what.

2009-02-24T09:57:00.001-06:00

it’s tuesday.

yesterday was mock race (which took far too long, but OK).

spring break is less than a week away.

I. CAN’T. FOCUS. IN. MY. CLASSES.

as is normal, a pre-break todolist. which sort of reminds me of the time that b.wilder made her vacationmeter, which got more colorful as vacation time approached. ... mine is not nearly as cool.

todolistforjessica:

~~wjr semester schedule~~
~~chinese workbook, dialogue 1~~
voice ~~board~~
~~lectura de español~~
~~data blitz research~~/write up
~~chinese midterm skit~~
~~test? maybe? for neuroling?~~ just kidding, no test.
~~chinese workbook, dialogue 2~~
cualquier trabajo para español que tengo

luckily, i’ll have self-defense for women on thursday, and it’s a physical class. i’ll get to hit things. :)

bleak day.

2009-02-17T11:59:00.000-06:00

So, almost a month since my last post, I am still not done with the project.

This makes me sad. I'm sorta frustrated with the entire thing. It's okay though. Everything is finished, I just don't have it. Tomorrow is his birthday, and I should be able to present it to him then. Apparently, the desired effect is one of "scandalized horror." I just want this to be done.

...

I've been working on my study abroad applications. I want to have them mostly done by Friday, so that I can quit worrying about them, which means I'll have to get my passport, and quick.

I also have to decide what I’m going to do with my summer. I can’t exactly do nothing all summer. I’ll need to work so that I can pay for the trips.

I just don’t know what I want to do.

:::

I’ve been really busy. And I think I’m lost.

but the weather is nice, and the retreat was good.

j.cruz

tiao wu

2009-01-27T22:50:00.000-06:00

I’m working on a super secret project, only, really, it is a half-secret from one particular person. He knows about the project, but none of the details. hehehe. I’m a little more than half-way done with it, and although I’d hoped to have it done by tomorrow night, it looks like it’ll have to wait, maybe, another week. :/ Some of my contacts are still working on their parts, but I’d rather have this done carefully than sloppily, especially since secrecy is of the utmost importance.

...

Robert asked me to look for sound files on freesound.org. I have made the executive decision that I love that website. There are so many awesome sounds. okay, so I’ll admit that there are also plenty of bad ones and others that make no sense, but this is aMAZing.

It’s a remix… of a light switch sound? Sweet action.

:::

I’ve not worked all day. Seriously.

laterz,

jcruz

Come to Me

2009-01-27T19:37:00.001-06:00

So, secret: I always do the horrible song title question things, where you put iTunes on shuffle, and answer the questions? Yeah, usually I think they work pretty well, but I must say, this one was good enough to be posted. :)

iTunes Questionnaire:

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
pretty fly (for a white guy).

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
sweet little sixteen

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
dream a little dream

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
la unica

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE
girl in the mirror

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
i can see clearly now

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
nostradamus

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
us

WHAT IS 2+2?
half way up

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
sunset ceremony

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
grace

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
ol' man river

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
I wanna be like you

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
getcha head in the game

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
still

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
what kind of fool am i?

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
beauty and the beast

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
wannabe

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
let's go fly a kite

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
twist and shout

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
promiscuous girl

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
fly on the wall

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
day-o (the banana boat song)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
crescent

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
i've got no strings

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
over the moon

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
keep on trucking, pt 1

WHAT DOES THE PERSON WHO LIKES YOU THINK WHEN THEY SEE YOU?
superstition

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
for whom the bell tolls

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
lavender blue

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
come to me

Quincy Ama & Pudge

2009-01-15T10:40:00.001-06:00

I don’t have much time, which is cool, I guess. Just a few updates:

Rice started back ridiculously soon.
I’m ridiculous for taking 19 hours and two LPAPs.
Quincy Ama is a ridiculously good-looking and working fancy-schmancy tablet PC (yes, I love her)
Pudge is a ridiculously good name for a yellow iPod
I love all of my classes.
I don’t like cold weather.
I am addicted to movies and movie watching
BONES is the most aMAZing tv show. ever?
I’m ready for the MLK holiday. :)
I get to meet with my study abroad consultant today!
I really enjoy going to Mass.
Tablet PCs rock my world.

So, there you go. My life in 12 points. I’m a dodecagon.

...and for what?

2008-11-21T00:34:00.000-06:00

I named my bike Pajarrito. His name was inspired by the construction workers outside of the Hanszen master's house. As I passed by them, they turned, looked, and called out "Pajarrito!" They then returned to their work, smiling, as I turned towards the library, thinking about the fit of the name. I think it works beautifully. :)

...

I'm such an obsessive person, and yet... People, e-mail, small details, but not homework. what a surprise.

:::

Tonight is Girls Night for the CSA. I'm super excited. Dinner, Wall-E/Ironman, baking, sleepover, games, girl time. WOOHOO!

This afternoon I'll be shopping for tomorrow's "Somewhere Over the Flutes". I'm yellow. :D

Tomorrow is a football game. It'll be good, especially with a colorific flute section.

Sunday is going to be ridiculous. I don't want to think about it.

next week is thanksgiving. :/

............ my birthday is coming up. :?

-jcruz

Little Known Fact

2008-10-18T20:38:00.000-05:00

I can't keep in touch with people. Like, I try. But, really, I feel like I am more of a person-to-person person. I know it's not the end of the world, but I'd like to be able to keep in touch with people. I've recently broken my addiction to effbook, and realized that e-mail is what I live for. And I've tried the e-mail pen pal thing. But when it's someone I really care about, someone I really know, I can't write e-mails that mean something. I do the whole 'this is junk mail' thing really well, but that's because it doesn't take much thought or effort or time. I want people to know that I care about them, and short by-the-wayside emailed comments just doesn't cut it for me (if you are someone I 'junk mail' I don't mean that I don't like you. I probably just see you more than I see most other people).

...

I just saw Orson Scott Card speak here (in Denton). I think that he might be one of the most intelligent speakers I've ever heard AND he wasn't a jerk like Stahlman, so, overall, I'd say he was a pretty swell guy.

Fiction is vicarious memory. We remember things that haven't or don't happen to us... We don't have to die to know what is worth dying for.

I recorded some of his speech. Usually I don't- I'm quite happy with pictures and I'd rather have the memory of having seen and heard whatever while there rather than the memory of having seen and heard whatever from my camera. I'm not going to post it anywhere, but I wanted to be able to go back and revisit the wonder I felt at his knowledgability (which isn't a word, beeteedubs).

He joins the list of important people who have spoken at me. It *might* have altered my life. Pretty good. =)

:::

I've made the decision to study abroad next year. I don't know if I can get my ducks all in a row, but if I do, I'm leaving. I have nothing more to offer Rice, I think. Rice has little left to offer me, maybe. Two problems, though. My family, obviously. Don't know how well I'd be able to live without seeing them pretty much whenever I want. Med school. I've have to do all sorts of interviews, and applications would be, uh, interesting. I don't know. Do I really want to have to deal with any of that while away? No, probably not. Edit: I talked with someone at Sunday Supper (now that I'm obviously back in Houston) about their experience in med school, and before, when I was like 'ugh, idk, pre-meds disgust me sometimes' I sorta really thought I didn't want to do it. I think talking with this person changed my mind. =) /edit. Anyway, I have an appointment to meet with the Study Abroad folk on Wednesday to talk about if I have the ability to leave Rice. funfun.

j.cruz

Ten Great Things

2008-08-25T23:40:00.001-05:00

clicking many many blog tags
new MOBsters
full student centers
remembering how to play flute
two awesome roommates
new friends
special nicknames aka mancakes
the entire CSA leadership team
God's love :)
Jessica Rules (now up to 102... jk)

And it begins...

2008-08-25T23:36:00.001-05:00

Only because I know mf *really* wants me to update my blog.

Not even technically part of the school year, O-Week continues to be the most stressful week of my school year. Seriously, I need a break between O-Week and the start of school, and, no, the weekend doesn't cut it. And even though I love complaining, I won't continue in that vein because I actually enjoy feeling useful and purposeful (aka busy, but not with busywork).

I spent the first part of the week with the MOB, cleaning, organizing, playing Spider Solitaire (I'm not gonna lie, that was a bit of fun). I have this great picture of John Cate in his plastic parachute pants. Excellent.

CSA occupied the second half of my O-Week. I'm just really glad that the leadership team did so much during the summer. I don't think we'd have been half as productive if they hadn't.

The first annual CSA Olympics were fun as well. TK and I thought up some clever sports. Events included the Garbage Toss (worth 18 points total), Pin the Hat on the Pope (ranked by proximity to target aka Pope's forehead), and the Airstrip (design of paper airplane 1 pt, hoops 2 pts, perfect landing 2 pts). I'll eventually put pictures of the Olympians on effBook.

Saturday, my day to sleep in, move-in day at the university, Outreach day, official dry-to-wet changeover (aka Dis-O), I woke up at seven and a half in the morning. Honestly, Mr Sunshine, you don't have to shine so sweetly all the time. Geez. I met with the Epilepsy Foundation's Youth Council that night and went back to campus to chill with my latest friendship acquisition (aka B-Don of the Tuxedo Speedos) and my other exceedingly cool friends, Robert, mf, Candase, "the Tower guys," etc. I also got to practice some abstract thing called "self-discipline." I don't know what all the fuss is surrounding the concept. Really.

Sunday, the day to see whether the CSA's hard work had paid off, wowed us. A beautifully large number of freshmen came to worship with us! Excitement = Jessica! Sunday Supper: HUGE success. Leadership meeting: fabulous. All-in-all, a great day to celebrate my faith, the faith of the Church. Admittedly, I wasn't able to get the listserv out before 9 P.M., but I think my excuses and lack of real reason make up for it.

And then, of course, today was the first day of school, and the first MOB rehearsal of the year. I'm super excited about my crazy Chinese teacher, my excitable Spanish teacher, my energized Ling prof, and the widely-acclaimed CAAM 210 prof.

THREE MORE FLUTES (two WR, one Jones)! AN OBOE/PERCUSSIONIST (Brown?)! HOORAY MOB! I didn't scare anyone off! I even remembered to suggest the Windows start-up theme to Chuck as a tag (thanks to Robert:]). I love dancing to Louie. :):):)

...

I'm going into one of my more unreasonable moods, I think. Staying by myself for long periods of time will probably result in uncontrollable tears. :/

But don't take me all to seriously. I'm slightly crazy.

:::

And I made a new Jessica Rule: I am not permitted to talk extensively with people who have not been expressly recommended to meet me. I sort of weird out people. Sort of. Usually. Occasionally. Yeah.

goodnight. I plan on having a cacophony tomorrow. Sorry if I totally confuse you.

--j.cruz

(Ranchero) Enchilada Sauce

2008-07-28T10:37:00.001-05:00

flour (cornstarch, if no flour)
shortening
vegetable oil
diced onions
diced tomatos
a can of diced tomatos
water
ground garlic
comino (spice)
salt
pepper

In a skillet, brown the flour. Add enough shortening to ensure that the flour doesn't clump. If you don't have the flour, do NOT brown the cornstarch. Set this aside.

Fry the onions and tomatos (not from the can) in a little bit of vegetable oil. Add the can of diced tomatos and water. Stir, then rain the garlic and comino onto the sauce and mix completely. Do not skimp on the garlic or comino. When I say rain, I am not referring to a light drizzle or a friendly sprinkle. Add salt and pepper to taste. Allow the sauce to simmer for some t > 5mins (for the inner nerd).

The absolute last thing to add to the sauce (as in right before you pour it on the enchiladas and whatnot) is the browned flour (or unbrowned cornstarch) to thicken the watery sauce. YeeHaw! (I can't believe I'm going to let that slide. tsk tsk.)

Note: There are no precise measurements because that's not how my fam rolls. Just be reasonable.

...

mf, I know. I could've asked a long time ago and had it posted for your use, etc.

But now we have it, and that's all that matters.

Perfection, in a Trashcan

2008-07-27T23:59:00.001-05:00

So, I had this awkward no-call date thing happen a few days ago. Turns out the guy misplaced my number, so no foul, BUT while I was waiting I decided it would be best if I got something to eat. I stopped by one of my usual joints, a Chinese restaurant called Asian Garden. I mean, I didn't know how long I would be waiting, if I'd be able to eat a decent meal before the movie began, whatever. I dropped by to get something to eat and I just happened to meet some really cool people.

Piano man! When I walked in, he was talking with the cashier, laughing, joking, all in good fun. :) I joined in, because you know me, I can't ever decide on what I want quickly. Somehow, some way, it came out that I go to Rice, that I don't *really* pay for it, and that Rice, actually, true fact, isn't an Ivy League school. hmmmm. So piano man sort of freaks out, right?, "Oh really? You go to Rice? Rice University? In Houston? Well that's good for you. I'll bet you go to the beach often." We, the cashier and I, had to convince him that Houston isn't actually near a beach. haha, He thought that the beach was, like, a 10 minute drive from downtown? Anyway, turns out that he'll be going to UH for grad school, which is kinda cool when you think about it because we had this weird connection, and I don't usually talk to people I don't know. Thanks Wasabi :P for an interesting night.

Cashier! I liked the cashier. She was nice and friendly, and she looked oddly familiar. We got to talking after Wasabi left, and, apparently, she went to junior high and the first year of high school with me and came back to San Marcos (and to Texas State) for college. Coincidence? Definitely. We know so many people in common, and we had different stories to tell, it was great. We just talked. I like friendly people. Thanks Breanna for talking! :D

Delivery boy! I'm sorta glad that Asian Garden wasn't too busy that night because I wouldn't have met the delivery boy. He also looked familiar to me, but I have, um, difficulties distinguishing between Dennis Quaid and Harrison Ford, so no big surprise there. Our conversation flow chart: apartment design > our society's need for efficiency, speed, perfection > lack of perfection in the world > the price(lessness) of perfection > trashcans. If you lost that flow somewhere, it's okay, my conversations usually derail into other, cruder, topics. Anyway, Mr. Civil Engineer wants to improve the world one trashcan at a time. I'm going to let him do that- I think most trashcans are perfect, in that they serve their main function quite well. He's looking for ways to improve functionality while maintaining a certain standard of trash, I think. He remarked on the recycability of most 'trash,' so I'm guessing that's something he'll be working on. Thank you Mr. Civil Engineer for keeping me intellectually stimulated. Kinda. :)

No-call dates are fun, you know. I don't think I've ever had so much fun while being stood up. Note: While this is the only time I've been stood up, it really couldn't have been any more interesting.

...

I got my directory from Camp Spike 'n' Wave. Super exciting news, right? I know. I think I'll send picture books to my campers. :) (I've even got their birthdays!!)

I made a fish bowl. I've decided that I'm not responsible to care for another living entity, and I'll put money on any fish of mine dying within a week. My father helped me to finish my mosaic tabletop. I'll probably put up pictures showcasing my two accomplishments. I know everyone is dying to see them. Hopefully I'll have the design for my back pack completed soon, and I will be able to employ some cheap labor to assemble it for me. ;)

Man, I've been having some weird dreams lately. Some are really cool. There was one that reminded me of Crash or Vantage Point- I had a dream, but I relived the dream twice, as a different character both times, which was really useful because I could use the knowledge gained in the first round to complete my goals in the second. I guess it kinda sounds like a bad video game. hmmmm.

:::

If you should receive a short, out-of-context question from me, I'm in one of those moods. It'd be cool if you answered.

Tomorrow I have plans to see the love of my life with Janelle. I'm excited. :)

Happy anniversary parents!

--jcruz.

Good Evening!

2008-07-13T23:41:00.000-05:00

I don't know who you are, and I'm supposing no one really does. We all have our guesses, but you've learned the true ninja way, and kept hidden your true name and identity for many years. Too many years-- certainly you know where to find the fountain of youth or how to mix the elixir of life, and yet you keep your silence.

Maybe you do this for our benefit. By the number of wise and pithy statements, poems, literary works, etc. quoted through your pseudonym, one must assume that you know the value of words wisely chosen. Then, if you choose not to speak out, it can only be concluded that you are protecting us. Silence is golden, after all.

However, with your knowledge of what is best for us, which is to say that we mustn't assume things, that assumption might not be true. You may not be protecting us at all, and mother may not know best (Note: Common Sense agrees that mother knows best, which means we either have a conspiracy or it's true).

What a horrible inconsistency! You know, you could take a note or two from God about keeping His Word straight. I happen to know from an inside source that He can be touchy when He's misquoted or His Word is misused. But I suppose you wouldn't believe all that you hear through the grapevine, huh?

Anyway, it's your inconsistency that bothers me the most. You, with your 'wisdom', think you're all that and a bag of Mrs Vicks' delightfully addicting Salt and Vinegar potato chips, never wrong and humble besides! You think that I don't see right through that whole pseudonym business? You're just insecure about who people view you as. So much for being accepted for who you are; I don't even know you!

You know, I don't think I would've paid you much mind, but you're always in my business. Leaving trash on the ground in the park, checking out my favorite books, taking all the ATM money, and buying all the drinks in the vending machines. What is the deal with sending out all of these bomb threats? Honestly. Get with the times, that is SO 90's. ANDI wouldn't be nearly as obsessive about the things I obsess about (which is nearly everything these days) if you weren't so adamant about keeping your identity secret. Another thing to obsess about, geez!

I guess you can see where this headed, and I'm sorry I had to make this public.

Anonymous, our acquaintanceship is finished!

...

A little much on the drama there, Jess. I'd watch that if I were you.

Duly noted.

I would say that I don't wonder about the various anonymous comments I (have received) receive on my (past) blog(s), but I'd be lying. It's actually one of the reasons I don't like Facebook apps that allow for people to anonymously address me. I don't like guessing games (because I suck at them), and although the majority of the anonymous comments I've received through my blogs, past and present, weren't specifically addressed to me, I always obsess about who it is.

I guess it doesn't matter.

:::

Mark and I went to see Wall-E today. I love that film.

Movies We (= me and one other sibling) Can't Wait to See:

The Dark Knight
HSM 3: Senior Year
Mummy 3
Inkheart

I know there's others, but I can't remember them now. oh well.

I'm getting frustrated with Wal-Mart customers. *glares at the thought*

goodnight.

Six Good Things

2008-07-12T00:16:00.001-05:00

next generation Samarripas
sister-sister bonding with nail polish
paychecks!
polka dots
energizers
peanut butter crunch

I Just Gotta Say

2008-07-12T00:09:00.000-05:00

First off, I'm going to apologize for grammar errors throughout the entirety of this post. Second, I really don't have any excuse for making said errors, and I will readily admit that I am far too lazy to undo any cliche items, run-on sentences, and interrupted thought. Should probably read it as a 'stream of consciousness' piece, and try to understand that this is pretty much how my brain and I think. Sorry.

So, I'm not going to point out anyone, or something else ridiculous like that, and say that I really sorta want to Facebook friend them, just to see their profile- wall posts, interests, favorite music, you know, all the stuff that really defines someone as someone because I can hardly believe that this undefined entity is a person. But I will.

Name isn't all that important, no, not hardly at all. I don't know why I suddenly had this urge to Facebook friend them- we didn't speak to each other in high school, and although I'm sure he's fabulously intelligent, he didn't really treat me with much respect, which isn't what wise people do because wise people treat everyone with respect or at least the outward appearance of it. whatev.

In fact, it just occurred to me that if we were to pass on the street or meet at a reunion, my thought would be, 'oh please oh please don't talk to me walk the other way please yes! talk to that other dude,' while his would be, 'i went to school with her?'

But oh how my curiosity yearns to be relieved! I see little snippets of his life, through the wall posts on the 29 mutual friends we have. 29! and some of them I wonder how he even knows or if he really remembers them or just fakes it. i wonder if he'd accept my friend request or if I would accept his should it ever be offered, and I somehow know that neither one is possible. Like at all.

AND I hate how it bothers me because I'll probably dream about it, then at work tomorrow I'll have nine UNINTERRUPTED hours to think about it, only my thoughts will revolve around him and these little things I remember from high school, obsessing over it them him because my mind gets so little stimulation from the menial tasks I'm assigned to complete *deep breath* and then I'll come back and have nothing to blog about because I've literally thought only of him and Facebook since I've written this. hopefully i won't end up crazed.

ah, too late.

...

Today I had a thought. haha, okay maybe it was two! Got me there! (okay, wow, I probably need sleep.) A response to Alex's anti-WR sentiments, posted for a select few to read: IT IS NEVER TOO EARLY TO BEGIN TO SHOW ONE'S TRUE COLORS. IT IS ALWAYS TIME FOR THE GODS AND THE GODDESSES TO RULE. IT IS NEVER TOO EARLY TO CHEER ON WHAT FATE HAS RIGHTFULLY DECIDED IS YOURS. IT IS ALWAYS TIME FOR THE PHOENIX TO FLY. IT IS NEVER TOO EARLY TO UPHOLD THE ONLY THREE VALUES THAT KEEP THE EARTH SPINNING. MYTHPOWERVALUE. AND IT IS ALWAYS TIME FOR WILL RICE (and it is never time for jones- not even worth capitalizing- or any of the lesser colleges and residences)!

Happy Alex? I certainly hope so, and I hope that my response was adequate for your fine tastes. :P

:::

Fam and I went to a party for my cousin today. He's just finished his army training, and he'll be stationed somewhere within a week. About 8 families showed up, which for a hispanic family like mine means that there was about a million people there. It was odd, you know, seeing how many generations were there, how people are related and how they relate to each other.

I'm not just talking about within families-- some family friends showed up and made themselves comfortable within our network. I got to catch up with an old high school friend (hey girl!) and see people I don't often get to see (can you tell I forgot what I was writing half way through that sentence?)

Anyway, sorry, again, for not making any sense or for making sense (which means you've either spent too much time with me or too much time studying me-- either way, please stop the punishment already).

j.cruz

walmart activities.

2008-07-11T09:54:00.001-05:00

During my first two weeks Wal-Mart, I've learned a few things:

I am addicted to Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, whether they are miniature, regular, big cup, on sale or not. Now that is ridiculous. Two weeks ago I had my mother buy me a bag. Since then I've bought three more. It's worse than crack because I can buy the stuff, legally, ANYWHERE. You may think, "It's not that bad. It's not like the candy is too expensive." WRONG! For a poor college student who only just recently got a job, the candies are horribly expensive. But they are delicious. Yum.
I can spend less than $3 on any meal. True fact. Wal-Mart really does have some fantastic deals.
Cars' headlights attract and hold my attention for a very long time. It's kinda odd, but when I drive home at night, I have to stare at the lights coming at me until they pass my window. They fascinate me, especially when the car is behind a hill, and I can slowly begin to see the car's headlights, until the lights suddenly explode into view, much like a highway car-rise. Sweet.
I can sleep with half of my brain, like a dolphin, and I do it at work. Okay, so I don't sleep with half of my brain, but I'm pretty sure parts of my brain go to sleep and the other parts work overtime or something because I have some weird thoughts while I'm working (for example, I was making up excuses the banana has for having three parts). It's like my frontal lobe just disappears. Anyway, the work isn't very demanding, brain-wise, so while my hands act as an entire line assembly, my mind goes elsewhere, I think.
I'm going to add almond extract to everything I consume. Possibly my favorite smell/taste, up there with cherry, pineapple, ginger, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Eighteen (+10) Good Things

2008-07-07T21:01:00.001-05:00

a list of 10 things I can't remember
+1 Nerd Points
the dark knight is coming...
buying cheap food at wal-mart
somehow driving 30 miles to home with the tank light on
mad skillz in learning new skillz
sitting
awesome old fashioned dressers
painting
not killing plants
having the material to make my backpack
donating plasma for the cash money
having cash money
being able to afford gas
cameras!
fanastic Goodwill shopping
RAIN.
the looks the people at HEB give you when they know you work at wal-mart
:D

10 Good Things

2008-07-04T00:13:00.000-05:00

Animal House
working a $8.20/hr job
saving electricity
mint chocolate chip ice cream
Gregorian chant
100 Essential Classical Pieces for $5.99
not being addicted to Facebook
being addicted to webcomics
taking pictures
having a sister moment :)

How Do You Make Holy Water?

2008-07-04T00:07:00.001-05:00

I went with my mother, her brother, and her brother's wife to see Joel Osteen speak in San Antonio on Sunday. He is quite the preacher, and I understand why so many people listen to him, read his books, and support his ministries. I, for one, truly believe that he is fulfilling God's mission for him, to bring people closer to God. Too bad he ain't Catholic. ;)

He mentioned a few things that I was thinking about before we went to see him, about avoiding unnecessary fights, not obsessively thinking about the future, etc. idk, It sort of meant something to me.

...

I was talking with my brother a week ago about future technology. He said that writers had failed us because they'd predicted that we'd have flying cars, teleportation, better food, blah blah blah. I don't know that they did fail us.

Sure, the majority of us still drive cars based on designs introduced in the early 1900s, and we may not be able to change locations instantly. We don't know how to 'make' gravity, and we still don't have the elixir of life.

Who cares? If you do, well, we may not have those things, but we have, or are getting the knowledge to obtain, things that begin to approximate those things. I, however, believe that 'future' technology began a while back, that, in the immediate future, we will have technology better--no, more-- than what the writers predicted, and that we, as a species, will have insights like the writers never had, i.e. technology different than what they could have expected.

Instant communication over large distances, relatively easy travel, amassing of world knowledge, Tivo, arguably better food, better medicines, stupid computers, extensive education, manipulation of gravity: If only these things followed the process of diffusion, then everyone, the world over, could have a chance to see how much we've done.

I know that there are people out there who agree with me; I just sort of wrote this without researching any of my fellow believers, my bad. They probably wrote more eloquently, with depth, and had fine examples pulled from stories and research. whatev. :P

:::

So, like, a week ago, I got to care for my godchild and her sister. Now, I'm not going to say that they're monsters, but I will say that they are aged 3 and 2 years (my godchild is the younger and quieter child). It was an experience that makes me very happy that I don't plan on having sex until I'm married. I seriously doubt that I, the 'Best Future Mother', would be able to handle raising kids for a while, at least 5 years, and that estimate is assuming I wouldn't be single or widowed.

I'm not saying that my cousin isn't doing a good job, but her mother puts plenty of work into helping her and I just know that I'd have no chance of giving that much care to any child of mine at this point in my life. I'd almost admire her, except I don't much approve of premartial sex. :/

Anyway, I realized that it's been awhile since the last time I actually wrote something substantial. My bad.

Edit: I forgot to give the answer to the question in the title: you boil the hell out of it. :P

j.cruz

For a Good Laugh

2008-06-30T22:56:00.000-05:00

2 Samarrippa family members
a food-free Sonic
inattentive waitstaff
fellow customers (optional)

Drive the family into the Sonic above. Place an order (which the Sonic will be unable to supply), and slowly add waitstaff (one at a time) to mix. Some care must be taken to ensure one's health is secure (not talking is strongly recommended), but you must let family and waitstaff sit in Sonic for about ten minutes. Once waitstaff and family have completed their interaction, one can add fellow customers to the Sonic. If customers are added too quickly, waitstaff will explode then disappear, and dish must be started again.

**Note: This dish is served immediately, often with a side of full refund.**

True story. Sonic ran out of food, my mom and uncle got upset, we got a refund and free food, the carhop kept my tip.

For a Softener

2008-06-30T20:20:00.001-05:00

1/2 lime or lemon
palmful of sugar or salt

Mix the two ingredients in hands. Apply mixture to any rough skin, and rub thoroughly. Rinse.

**Note: The lime-sugar mix tastes excellent. :P **

This recipe for a hand softener does work. My mother thinks it makes her hands look years younger, but I just think that that's the lotion she's been using.

;aslkdfj. No, really. :)

2008-06-24T00:18:00.001-05:00

I LOVED CAMP.

I MISS IT.

I WANT TO GO BACK.

I can't put up pictures (well, any more than I put up on Facebook), but if you ask me, I can show you the girls of Cabin 6 and Camp for All. I have stories and tall tales and t-shirts and fantastic memories and dances and a tan and drawings and oh so much.

...

American Society for Velociraptor Attack Prevention

A very important site if you wish to be prepared for the next outbreak. I recommend that everyone reads up on how to protect themselves and their loved ones before it is too late.

:::

I would just like to suggest that someone whose last name begins with a 'k' propose to me. I think I'd like to have the initials JK. The succession of JK from J.Cruz is logical and convenient.

Let it be known that I totally brought 'aMAZing' into fashion.

I miss Robert.

Like Trix, camp is for kids, not silly rabbits. Just a thought.

-j.cruz

Oh Wow, Is It Hot Or What?

2008-06-03T23:14:00.001-05:00

A giant spider tried to kill me yesterday. Not even kidding. It sat there on the door between the hallway and the living room, glaring at me with its eight eyes from its outrageously sized body (it was the size of one of my big toes), and then it attacked.

It jumped toward me, into the hallway, encroaching on my personal space (which I was sort of particular to at the time). I'm not going to lie. I screamed, the only time I can remember screaming because I was frightened. I thought myself a fool afterwards; I'm not scared of spiders or most insects. Sometimes they make me uncomfortable, nervous, and/or jittery, but they don't set my heart racing or cause me to faint. I almost fainted yesterday.

So maybe I provoked it. Whatev. I might have sprayed it with Raid's Home Defense Max while it sat innocently on the door. It might have run away from the spray, and I might have then tried to smash it with a broom when it leapt out of harm's way. I might have tried to pound it flat with the broom as it tried to escape, and I might have finally smashed it against the floor molding and drowned it in the deadly spray. Because it kept getting closer to me with each direct hit, I was lead to two conclusions. One, it was out to get me, and two, spiders have, like, eight lives, one for each eye or something.

Then tonight, at dinner, one of the spider's sisters tried killing me. I know this because she was brown and had the same black markings on her back. She sort of just fell from the ceiling, all spider secret agent like, and landed on my arm. I should've expected some sort of death threat, one can't just go around killing family and such. Luckily for me, they sent an inexperienced killer, and I was able to deter her without any harm or fatalities.

...

Apparently the only way I'm going to earn money this summer is by donating my plasma. At least, it will be until they tell me my plasma is horribly deformed and of no use to them or anyone, except me.

I'm only mostly kidding-- my plasma should be fine. It's my glorious red blood cells that are ugly.

I wonder which of my siblings are also affected by sickle cell trait. I mean, each one has a 25% chance of having the trait. I also wonder what their blood types are; probably O+, like me.

School year ends on Thursday for them, and then they'll be home with me all day long. All. Day. Long. I don't even know how that's going to be. Everyone gets irritated so easily when it's so hot outside, and, believe me, it's hot outside. Ach-Oh-Tee.

:::

My training for Camp Spike 'N Wave is this weekend. The camp is June 15-21 (I'm going to miss Father's Day :'[ ). I don't want to say that I'm freaking out, but I am definitely psyched. I don't think that I've ever done anything like it before, and it makes me happy.

Oh dear. The community television station for San Marcos is playing that song "Bicycle" by Queen. I don't think that I've ever liked that song. Ever. I still don't.

Laterz,

j.cruz

Six Things That Keep Me Sane

2008-05-28T00:03:00.001-05:00

new CSA website
verbal vomit
LifeMates
possible movie marathons
A&E
Spike TV

Today's Reading is... Unspoken.

2008-05-28T00:00:00.000-05:00

I'm ill at ease. That's it. I've figured it out. I'm no longer content here, doing nothing. I want to be somebody to somebody. Not in a romantic sense, because that's too far out there for me. I want to be who I can be, not someone who is forced to be. It's just so... ugh for me. mmmStiles and I coined a term for it, Limbo on Earth. I miss you mmmStiles. (Come home to me, plz? kthxbai.)

I really need a job, to feel productive. I love school because I am productive during the school year. I advance my knowledge; I scurry along to my ultimate educational goal; I talk, interact, learn, grow, explore, and fly free. When I was younger, my friends always thought I was so odd because I loved being in school. It wasn't that I hated, disliked, or was somehow adverse to summer because I loved summer. I'm beginning to think, however, that I liked summer because it not only provided change, but also heralded it. Sure, summer serves the same purpose now, but I'm different now. It is not good enough anymore to be care-free.

Sometimes I think I think too much about the future. My mother read an article in the newspaper about life in 2012. The article described people fighting for food, struggling to survive. A person interviewed for the article explained how their family was learning how to live as their grandparents did, raising their own food, making their own soap, etc. idk, it seems like a lot to me, and I'd be in my mid-20s. In 2012, I'd be in my second/third year as a medical student (God willing). The oldest of my siblings will have been out of high school for a year, the next will be graduating, the other two in high school. Our lives, the lives of my siblings and I, could be difficult. I'm not complaining (as difficult as that is to believe). I think we, not just me and my siblings, we-- US citizens, whatever-- are easy. My life has been given to me, handed over, beautifully wrapped, and I think I'm wasting it.

I don't know that I'm making much sense, so I'd rather not waste more time or energy into a possibly confusing ramble.

...

I made a morning wake up CD. I'd like to share its song list with you because I'm sure you'd appreciate the thought I put into song choice and track order. :)

Circle of Life -- Lion King soundtrack
Shout, parts 1 & 2 -- The Isley Brothers
Don -- Miranda
Back in Black -- AC/DC
Don't Stop Me Now -- Queen
Life Is A Highway -- Rascal Flatts
You Make Me Feel Like Dancing -- Leo Sayer
Everything -- Michael Buble
Knock 'Em Out -- Lily Allen
Don't Stop Believin' -- Journey
Africa -- Toto
Feeling Good -- Michael Buble
Lonely Teardrops -- Jackie Wilson
Smack That -- Akon ft. Eminem
Could It Be I'm Falling in Love -- The Spinners
Always the Last to Know -- Del Amitri
You Keep Me Hanging On -- Diana Ross & the Supremes

If you have the songs, you should try it out. I think it works wonders for my morale in the morning. I had to do some small edits to make the CD exactly an hour long (that's how long my alarm goes off in the morning), but I think it was well worth the effort. :)

:::

I think my dad is back from the Spurs v. Lakers game. Spurs lost, most unfortunate for those Texans who think. I don't know if they are out completely, but I do know that I am *upset* because I am from Texas and I live near SA and my father's family is from SA and I, therefore, am obligated to support the Spurs as my team. And we lost because some upstarts think that they are it. Whatever. They need to think again.

Geez.

oh, and charity starts at home.

--j.cruz

five good things

2008-05-12T21:55:00.001-05:00

"Que Me Lleven Canciones"
daily Mass readings
Sarah Connor
tea
random txt msgs

Love

2008-05-12T21:51:00.000-05:00

The Art of Courtly Love

I love reading the rules of attraction. So many books, movies, pieces of artwork, poetry, food dedicated to the so-called rules of love. No one has them, it, whatev, right, of course. Hitch, for example, is a movie based on some guy who thinks he has the rules of dating and attraction down. Not to spoil the movie, but he realizes that there are no rules. "All is fair in love and war." Truer words have probably been spoken, but I haven't heard them yet.

I don't know what I'm writing about.

...

I've had these weird dreams since I moved back home. They're not bad dreams, just they seem to revolve around this dude. I'm kinda annoyed actually. I mean, I wouldn't mind dreaming about him because he's a pretty cool guy.

I don't really know him.

He doesn't do anything in my dreams. He sits or stands there, watching me and whoever else do whatever we're doing. He doesn't interact with the other characters in my dreams. If my dreams were credited, I don't even know that he'd be written in. But he doesn't act as a walk-on, I'm sure he's paid.

I just wish I knew why my dreams are obsessing over this guy because I'm beginning to think about him while awake, and it is horribly irritating. *sigh*

:::

I love the new house. It is old-ish and needs plenty of work, but, for once, we have a house that is large enough to house all of us somewhat comfortably. :)

Los padres me compran una nueva cama. It is of the early 1900s and came with some fancy bed coverings and pillowcasings. I like it.

j.cruz

Seven Fantabulous Things

2008-05-07T00:03:00.000-05:00

Opening old backpacks
unpacking boxes from senior year
getting a new desk
finding a job
small towns
working bicycles
making cards and other small gifts

What a Trip!

2008-05-06T23:56:00.000-05:00

Guys.

I *just* realized how weird I am. Like, I thought I understood at least some of it before, but no, actually I was wrong. You probably were too. One, I keep the weirdest crap, EVER. Oh, and I'm glad I did because I wouldn't have had such an aWkWard memory trip to senior year of high school. I'm really sorta surprised I wasn't on crack or doing weed because I was into some odd stuff, let me tell you.

And you know, it's funny. I was thinking the other day that I wasn't too nerdy in high school, compared to now. I had my quirks, duh, but they were all well within the range of normal. WRONG. Yeah, sure, now I have this 'geeky'-nerdy thing going-- pretending to understand tech stuff, actually understanding math/computer/gaming jokes, making quasi-intelligent conversations about psychology BS, etc. But in high school, man, I watched people being pantsed in front on me (aWkWard experience). I organized people. I wrote notes to people on Starbursts wrappers. I kept little plastic bands from different school events, and I can remember feeling very sad that I'd lost two. I hoarded stickers, esp. shiny star stickers, then passed them out to band members on Friday mornings. I HAVE AN ARTISTIC MASTERPIECE DRAWN ON ONE OF MY JAZZ PIECES. I stole a packet with the lyrics to various Spanish songs on it (thank you Sr. Pratt-- you were terrific!). I don't know if I can really explain the experience...

And yet, I was so involved in band, I don't think I realized how cool other people were. I was so involved with myself and my issues, I didn't collect more stuff than I did. [I wonder if I still do that... Probably. :( ] I can't remember telling people how awesome I thought they were, something I try to do now, and I knew some awesome people. In fact, I found a note from Josh. It mentions the first time we met (which I, of course, can't remember), and why he valued me as a friend.

I haven't spoken to him in ages [a year = ages in Jessica-time].

I'm glad that now I know and can remember the first time I met my friends and acquaintances at Rice. It was a running joke in HS that my memory sucked [it didn't, btw. I think my memory was better in HS in many respects, just not for first meetings].

I wish I were more eloquent, so that I could fully convey the experience of reliving memories from >2 years ago. I wish I show you how it felt to find my HS ring and remember almost losing it at a park. *sigh* I guess you'll have your own experience.

...

As promised, the story of that crazy dude on the road. I'm going to re-tell it as my brother re-told it because he does a better job with the story than I ever could.

Hey, you there? Walter [fam friend]? Yeah, man, it was awesome. We got to witness a police chase. ... No, really! yeah, there were three or four cars chasing this dude. I think COPS might have been recording it, or something, it was that good. Yeah, so we were coming back from H-town, Jess was driving, and Mom was behind her. And we passed a popo, right? Well, Mom's car passes the popo and his lights turn on, and Jess starts freaking out cuz she thinks he's after her [this is actually an embellishment- I was NOT freaking out, my brother was]. Well, she keeps on going, okay? And then, this white car, OUT OF NOWHERE, cuts in front of us, and we see things start flying out it! ... No, I'm not lying! He threw out, like, four, five bottles. the bottles broke, and something flew out and hit Jessica's windshield. One of the bottles still had liquor in it, man, cuz it was spraying everywhere. ... Yeah, I know, what a waste! But no, listen, you're not listening, then the guy threw out a package of pot. ... I know! I tried convincing them to go back and pick it up. We couldn't just stop, the police was there. You don't think that would've been suspicious? 'Course you don't, you're white. 'Kay, talk to you later.

Yes, actually. That was the entire conversation. Except that my mother added that she'd also suggested that we go back to pick up the pot. Ridiculous.

Some chick in Austin was selling pot brownies. I know because every news show reported it twice in their news reports. Some kid she sold one to got sick, and that's how she was caught. Silly girl.

:::

I applied to work at the Best Western in Lockhart today. I'm excited. I really want the job. As we were eating dinner, Walter suggested that I work at this surgery-emergency-medical something or other as an intern during the summer. Apparently he's got connections, so I should done with the application process pretty soon here. I wouldn't mind working at the place; I've got bills to pay.

I got my dad to fix two of the bikes. I've had this urge to go out and ride somewhere. I don't know why. I haven't ridden a bike in >>ages. He did it though, and now I have my choice of two very functional bikes. I think I'll go find a lake or a river or something tomorrow. It'll be fun.

Alright kids. It's past time to go to sleep.

--j.cruz

2008-05-05T00:05:00.000-05:00

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

That's all.

--J.Cruz

P.S. Mexicans celebrate 16 de septiembre more. Silly Americans.

Home

2008-05-04T22:59:00.000-05:00

yes. finally. my sister left her pink sweater in my (former) room, and I can't really go back to pick it up. mother says she doesn't need it.

also, i have this great story from the drive back. more on that later.

SIXTEEN Good Things

2008-04-22T15:03:00.000-05:00

lyrical recitations on Walls
B.Wilder
Peter Gorilla
sombreros
crying in chapels
happy IMs
happy e-mails
Juanes
PDRs
Back to the Future & 'jigawatts'
Last day of classes
going home!
OC cast/crew
beaches
fotografias :)
Spanish poetry

an IM from a friend

2008-04-22T12:45:00.000-05:00

simply stated, "you are amazing. that is all." And you know, I feel better. I've been pretty down lately, yes. I am only beginning to realize the magnitude of the icebergs under my water. I think I can handle some of the work myself, but more and more I notice that I need small things, a voicemail from my family, an IM from a friend, little yellow flowers, to really get through other parts of it.

Yeah, I have my friends, and, believe me, I know they help when they can, when they know I need it. Now, I'm not depreciating the value of their friendship (because I couldn't live without them), but they can't fix my problems for me. I have to see the solution, I have to want to get to it, I need to help myself.

Just a thought.

...

I have an Orgo test tonight. Exciting stuff, no? I was really disappointed to find out that Keith's recital is in the middle of the test; I totally would've gone. Some things just don't work out I guess.

I heard he's going to Germany next year. :) I'm sorta jealous, not gonna lie. I think I want to go to Brazil. Or Africa. I feel like most people go to some place in Europe, which is totally cool and all, but just this side of overused? Probably not. Plenty of people want to visit Brazil, right? It even has a song about it!

:::

The Odd Couple is finished. A work in progress since January is finally done! It was a great run, and I really did enjoy it. Granted, it was a month-long extension of play-related stress, but it was worth it, I think, and I feel that we had a great group of people to work with. idk, for the people, I don't want it to end. I suppose that's how friends are made. Keeping them is a completely different civilization. ;)

And I do hope I keep the friendships. Some will, somewhat inevitably, decline rapidly; others might last forever. I won't know until forever comes (which, theologically, could happen at any moment), but I do know I shouldn't dwell on such thoughts. :)

Cada vez que te busca te vas, cada vez que te llamas no estas...

Es por eso que debo decir que tu solo en mis fotos estas...

-j.cruz

Facebook | The Odd Couple: Opening Night!

2008-04-17T14:48:00.001-05:00

I know you're excited. I am. :):):):):):):):):)

Facebook | The Odd Couple: Opening Night!

Sunshine

2008-04-16T13:17:00.000-05:00

I love sitting out in the sun. Vitamin D is such a wonderful feeling. Lately it seems as though I haven't had enough time to enjoy little things, like the sun or the breeze or crunchy gravel or sweet red cherries. You know, the things that really matter.

In fact, it seems as though I don't have time for anything. I mean, I do what needs doing, for the most part, but life (or Life) is more than doing what needs doing. It should include deep friendships, cool rivers, huge trees, good food, sitting in the sun, feeling the wind, talking up a storm, listening to the silence, soft tissues, fun problems, learning, play time, dancing, working hard and concentrating...

I've tried to balance myself this year, but more and more I realize that I am full of hills, mountains, valleys, and canyons. Sometimes the change is sudden and nearly frightful. Other times, I feel like I'm cruising on a gradual slope. I don't know.

...

I had a talk with God today. We made small talk to begin, but I had a few things on which I needed His honest opinion. I don't usually have a difficult time listening; it's usually more difficult to understand the hows and whys. I think I have my answers, now, but it doesn't make it any easier. Mostly because I'm so stubborn. Partly because I've no self-discipline anymore. Slightly because I make excuses for everything.

No, please don't think that I'm sad or depressed. I know what I need to fix, which is infinitely better than before, so I'm, actually, content.

:::

I don't want to watch Life through a window. I don't want to take someone's word about the wind or the sun or the rain, but I don't want to lose sight of who I am and who I want to be.

I want to sit in the sunshine and smile.

-j.cruz

(:

2008-04-13T02:30:00.001-05:00

Backward smilies are awk-ward. I know you agree with me. They, like, try to fool you about being sad, but not really. idk. I guess I put too much thought into the backward smiley. I mean, I have a smiley poster and it is called the 'left-handed smiley'. Honestly. Emoticons, I'm fairly certain, are free from the confines of handedness.

Just a thought.

-j.cruz

Six Good Things

2008-04-13T02:26:00.002-05:00

SAS show
full runthroughs
friends :)
ko1, because he's going to read it. :P
mmm, fuzzy yarn
your mom

THOUGHT!

2008-04-07T14:49:00.001-05:00

I've told some people about this, to mixed reactions. I want a small gorilla. I'm aiming for something infant sized.

It would be more practical than a dog (opposable thumbs are the shiznit!), although messier than a cat. I could teach it sign language, like Amy from Congo, and we could have somewhat unintelligible conversations. I think it'd be cool. I thought infant sized would be best, if only because it could attach itself to my neck, and it wouldn't be too much weight.

For example:

Cheap would be fine, but it was to have long enough arms.

Hmmmm.

-j.cruz

Thinking

2008-04-07T09:20:00.002-05:00

Thank you to Marcos, Bobby, Mom, and, especially, Robert and Caroline.

Marcos, you may never read this, but your voicemail this morning was so... ugh, I can't even- it was indescribable. Thank you.

Bobby, you might read this, and thanks for listening to me about my many issues. They are, well, innumerable.

Mom, I know you will never read this, but I thought I'd let you know that you were right. of course. People shouldn't use me, and I shouldn't use other people.

Robert and Caroline. I don't even know if I can separate the two of you. Both of you are so encouraging, so supportive, so reasonable it nearly kills me. This whole play ordeal... man. I think, really, the two of you kept me sane. I'm pretty sure I would've irrecoverably broken down if the two of you hadn't made me listen and think.

And, fyi, my 'thinking' and 'thanking' are nearly interchangeable. :)

Twelve Necessarily Great Things

2008-04-07T08:26:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/v/Li5nMsXg1Lk
I have no idea if that link works, and I'm cool with it. :)
God.
Going home on Tuesday!
Play is almost done... play is almost done... play is almost done...
Zoos
Dance lessons :)
Dinner parties
best roommate, ever.
family and family-not-family.
FLUTING!
Finishing work before midnight (a fantastical feeling, I assure you)

I Can't Take It Anymore

2008-04-06T12:48:00.001-05:00

No, really. Not to toot my own horn, but I consider myself to be a fairly patient person. I think that I can take a whole bunch of crap, then release my anger/upsetedness/etc into the wild. I think it takes a lot for me to get so worked up about something that I can't think straight. But now it's happened. In who knows how long, I'm actually really pissed off. Thoroughly peeved.

When you give someone a job, you let them do it. If they don't do the way you want them to, you should've given better instructions. Now, it is understandable to re-do what someone has done (or not done) if you gave explicit instructions, and they failed to follow them. BUT if that person followed your instructions to the t, and you don't like it, you have two options:

Tell them that you don't like it, and see what they can do to change it. It may be that you have absolutely NO idea about the problems that came up, and this was the absolute last resort. It could also be that you somehow implied that you effing wanted it that way. You won't know until you ask.
Deal with it. You gave them an assignment. (Re-)Doing their work only makes them feel used, unnecessary, and upset. If you change it, you will undermine who they are as a person.

Now, I know that I am guilty of this offense. I KNOW IT TO BE TRUE, but I've also apologized and tried to make up for it. I ALSO KNOW WHAT MY JOB IS, or at least what I've most recently been expected to do. WHEN I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DO MY EFFING JOB, yes, actually, I get kinda upset. ("kinda" being a Jessica "kinda")

*sigh* Okay, so I have left and come back. I will not change my words. I am upset. I had a job, and my job, without warning, was taken away from me. I'd like to have it back.

kthxbai.

Ten Pretty Freakin' Awesome Things

2008-04-03T13:21:00.001-05:00

Because I really need one.

Finding twenty dollars.
Having an awesome best friend as a proxy
"Shout, Parts 1 & 2" by the Isley Brothers
Having at least two best friends who are extremely happy
"**, yo."
cast friends. :):):)
Flute playing!!
Cleaning my room (I'm almost done!!)
Good listeners...
Having a list of good things :)

Spring Break

2008-03-05T10:29:00.004-06:00

I've been on my 'Spring Break' for a few days now. Everyone else is still at work or in school, so I've been kinda lonely lately. 'Sokay though. I get to catch up on work (of which I know I'm not going to do any next week), organize and reorganize OC schedule, sleep. Still, I think I'd feel better about this Spring Break if I didn't feel like everything around me is at a standstill.

And I'm not talking about things physically halting (which would be aMAZing...). I know that when I go back to Houston and Rice, I'm going to feel like nothing has changed. Sure, we've just had a break from school. Everyone feels rested, accomplished, renewed. When we all get back, classes resume, work picks up, everything settles into place. But it feels the same. Nothing will be different.

I don't know whether it'll be because of the social dynamics, the political charges, my increasingly odd dreams, or what. Maybe I just feel like everything is moving, but nothing is changing. Maybe no one else sees it. I could be worrying too much about it, but I know that I'm not really 'worried' about it. It just makes me feel like I'm not really me. Inside. Everyone treats me the same, but I'm different.

It is an odd disconnect, I know. I had these weird feelings back in HS, and my eye started twitching. (Note: My eye probably starting twitching from the stress of AP testing.) I haven't had such a strong instance of the feeling since, idk, this time last year? Maybe it's a seasonal thing; AP testing is in the spring.

I just had a thought.

I will pray about this.

Psychology Lies

2008-02-27T23:46:00.001-06:00

I've come to the conclusion that psychology is a lie. Complete fabrication. In fact, psychologists would call it 'confabulation' if they ever realized what was going on. They just make things up, I swear.

Point-in-case: if called on in class, one can make up some answer and cite an experiment that may or may not support the argument, and it will be right. Doesn't even matter if the experiment is completely irrelevant to the topic. Any one will do, as long as you 'prove' your point.

Don't misunderstand me; I am majoring in Cognitive Science (aka psychology with other things attached). I love psychology, the mind-brain dilemma, the Freudian philosophies, perception, memory, biopsychology, etc. LOVE IT. I just think that some (probably most) psychologists are nutcases and really good ~~liars~~. Wrong word. They are really good at finding patterns that may or may not actually exist.

It may seem like I'm confused on this issue. Psychologists are a bunch of ~~liars~~ and I love it. Um, no. It's just that when I take a psychology test, and I make up some answer because I have no idea, and then get full marks for it... something is wrong.

-j.cruz

Six Good Things

2008-02-27T23:34:00.001-06:00

Getting the Ace of diamonds (HECK YES!)
Knowing I'm probably going to stay on-campus (WOOHOO!)
Home (YEA!)
Spring Break... is so close...
Water.
Knowing I have Good Things to post. :)

Holding On

2008-02-27T23:32:00.001-06:00

I am. Really.

I think I've got my priorities in order:

Orgo lab
Orgo test
Physics hw

Now, I could be entirely wrong. (And I probably am.) But, hopefully, this will be okay. I think I can live if I turn in a hw late. I haven't done it yet... I should be able to do this.

Cheater!

2008-02-22T01:23:00.003-06:00

I know, I know!

So, I took my good things post and totally ruined it by putting my Happiness column there, but I was looking through the list and I couldn't help but notice that everything that was on there made me happy. For obvious reasons.

Anyway, the worst of the week is over. I still have all of next week to get through, but I think I can manage. Maybe.

Spring Break, here I come!

308 Good Things!

2008-02-22T01:19:00.000-06:00

Catholicism. MOB. Rice. Transformers. Procrastination. Podcasts. Atomic Warfare. Spanish Poetry. TMNT. Former Presidents. Abnormality. Movies. Fitzpatrick. Crazy Logic. Stargazing. Ocean Waves. Defend Your Computer. Limericks. Someone's Dreams. Facebook. Words. Ballet. Peppermint Lights. Heat. "Sonrisa" Nerdy Jokes. Victorian Poetry. Turtles. R. Kelly. Marshmallows. Singing in Church. Crying. Scarves. Paul Franklin Dano. Liars and Lying. "Parapetia" Phononeology. Sandra Bullock. Risk. Pictures. Blank Pages. Plants. Plaid. Dysfunction. Fictional Prima Donnas. IPA. Adventures. Baseball. One. Polka Dots. Bubble Bobble! Fish Face!. Disney Anything. Snowglobes. Bandaids. Emoness. L-O-V-E. Dove Chocolate. Crocheting. Mascara. Dynamic Duos. Willy Week Jacks. Prospies. Trivial Pursuit. Vivid Imagery. Finger Knitting. Binder Clips. Gaim. New Clothes. Being Called By Name. Ballworld. Flute Language. Sparkly Things. Nintendo Wii. Music. Family. Beauty. Pets. "Azul" Fish. Pokemon. Coloring. Beads. Psychology. Confabulation. Learning Unix. Jackets. Markers. Zero. Saxophones. Saxophonists. Oversized Earrings. New Shoes. Peanuts. Pretty Pictures. Rolling Down Hills. Julia Roberts. Water. "H" Books. Art. Drugs. Limited Editions. Ducks. Kris Kimura. Thunderstorms. LOLcats. Fake Photoshop. Home. Carpet. Small Things. Alexander the Great. Laughing. Libraries. Bookstores. Dusty Attics. Light. Cherries. "WHEEler" Hugh Grant. Transcribing Conversations. Coffee shops. Tea. Food. Corners. Names. Getting Mail (or E-Mail). People. Smelling. Deep Structure. Posters. Mental States. Song and Dance. Soapboxes. Mexicanness. Pogo.com. Questions. Weirdos. Life. Handwriting. Bad Acting. Jewelry. Penguins. "Lurks" (Non)Appropriate Capitalization. Awkwardness. Wikipedia. Traveling. :) "Reloj" Quoting People/Movies/Books/Songs. Jazz Music. Ray Charles. Ninjas. Shoes, by Kelly. Language Not Linguistics. Inside Jokes. Greek Letters. Seafood. Lovers. Star Wars. Writing Implements. Christmas Lights. Clothes. Gumshoe. Messes. Soulmates. LifeMates. Lol Three. Eyes. Al Green. Uniqueness. Purses. Forgetting A Story's End. Consciousness. Elmo. "Reir" Fill In The _____. Blogging. Creativity. Chairs. Swimming. Oddities. "Flourish" Museums. Cheetos. Wandering. Throwing a Football. Fire. ! Reality. "Diamonte" Pondering Color. Monopoly. Desires. Gum. Fishing. Cold Weather. Typing. Making Someone Smile. Kisses. French fries. Rainy Days. Gricean Maxims. Sleeping. Kaleidoscopes. Biopsychology. God's Plan. Really Old Movies. Sand. Re-attempting Rollerblading. Eating. Hoarding. Playing A Musical Instrument. Talking. Beliefs. Giving Gifts. Rivers. Hugs. Wind. Beach. Breezes. Dancing. Superhuman Powers. Secrets. Edward Norton. Locks. Pirates. Having a Good Time. Working. Owls. Memory Foam. Sleep schedules. Reading. Non-normal Time Flow. Making Lists. Linear Objects. Stereoscopes. Naming Inanimate Objects. Close Friends. Silence. Dreams. Window Shopping. Musicals. Playing Dress-Up. Remembering. Webcomics. Dr. Pepper. Feline-ness. Adjectives. Driving. “R" Arguing. Learning. Breathing. Sunglasses. Ice Cream. Flowers. Pyramids. Small Children. Poetry. Good Smells. No Shoes. Sunlight. Fountains. Mr. Darcy. Love. Lemonade. Cows. The Odd Couple. Obviousity. Winking. Ideas. Walls. Relaxing. Quilts. Thunder. Sunsets. "Philanthropy" Sunrises. College Stories. Orange Juice. Parties. Stove Top Popped Popcorn. Two. Trees. People-Watching. Oceans. Obsessiveness. Sitting. Thinking. GOD. Salsa. Kool-Aid Guy. Growing Mold in Bottles. "J" Commercials. Paint. Keys. Pianos. Neologism. Febreeze. Cookies. Skirts. Funky Shoes. Cheese. Funky Glasses. Junk.

Ruby? Ruppee? Luby? Loopy?

2008-02-20T19:14:00.001-06:00

No, really. Listen to the voice mail. This is MY phone. I don't even know for whom you're asking (cf. Title). If you've called this number, idk, 17 times now, Ruby-or-whatever hasn't called you back, AND I answered once to tell you not to call again, then maybe you've got the wrong number. Maybe.

Quit leaving messages. I know you've called. All you say is, " Hey [some name]. Call me. [your name]" I'd be better off not having a message at all. If I saw that I'd had 17 missed calls from some number, then I'd call that number back. I would, of course, be happier knowing who I was calling and why they called me, with heavy emphasis on why. LEAVE A MESSAGE WITH REAL CONTENT. I mean, I guess I'd understand why you'd tell someone to call you back and leave your name if they didn't have your number, but if you've already gone that far, just go ahead and say why you're calling. Not that difficult.

Rant finished.

Seven Good Things

2008-02-19T23:45:00.001-06:00

!s
Boston's "More Than A Feeling"
Maybe getting a new house?
Oscar Owl and Finicky Felix, my $1-clearance owls
Squishable.com
Crazy Orgo teachers
Less-Common Common Renaming of Organic Molecules (LCCROM): , 1,3-dioxolane aka small owl

The Proustian insight is vindicated!

2008-02-19T23:27:00.001-06:00

Yes, well.

The Proustian insight has been indeed vindicated, if this journal article is any reliable source. Then again, they did use an exclamation mark in their discussion section... How reliable could they possibly be? I mean, wdt? :P

Cancelled rehearsal for tonight. It would seem too difficult to block a five-person scene with only three people. Unfortunately.

I do get to finish my work, though. You can watch my progress; I'm marking through my finished tasks, as little as they number. :D

Hello, again.

2008-02-19T12:51:00.004-06:00

Oh man, Oh man.

I have a presentation due tomorrow.

I HAVE NO ARTICLE ON WHICH TO PRESENT.

Olfaction and memory. Unfortunately for me, no significant research has progressed in this area, and the research done is mostly for mice. Humans are not mice. UNFORTUNATE.

I will get it done. B.S.ing may not be my strong suit, but, by golly, I will have something to present.

To-Do List:

~~Fill Out Room Jack Form~~
~~Finish Physics Lab~~
~~Read Psyc Article~~
~~Make PPt~~
~~Rehearsal~~
~~Read Other Psyc Article~~
Do Orgo Lab/Report/Pre-Lab

Oh man.

J.Cruz

Mmm.

2008-02-19T02:58:00.001-06:00

This would be why I'm awake right now.

And this.

And this.

But I'm not bitter. Really. I enjoy not having sleep because it ensures that I wake up in a timely manner. It helps that I continue to work late at night. No one is around to distract me AND no one is updating my webcomics or Facebooks (unless they are like me) AND I feel bad about not working. :D As strongly evidenced by my blogging. :/

-J.Cruz

Nine Good Things

2008-02-18T22:17:00.001-06:00

Going home
Making iTunes playlists with "Love" as the only parameter
finding owls all over my room
Getting a new house!
cutting up magazines
ScribeFire
Writing letters to my textbooks
Ignoring the fact I have four tests next week
SPRING BREAK IS TWO WEEKS AWAY

Oh dear.

2008-02-18T22:14:00.001-06:00

So, for the first time in ages I have to take derivatives. And find maxima. wtf.

Like, honestly, no real life applications. I want to be a neurologist. If it's really necessary, I'll hire someone to find the current from some charge that goes through some pipe in some amount of time. No, really. Someone who does it for a living, aka has a fancy computer to do it for them because heaven only knows that they take the time to manually draw out the graph, find the expression to best fit the data points, etc etc.

Also, what's with all the graphing? It's obvious that you, Mr. Physics-Textbook, already know the answer. Why must you pursue such frivolous ends by forcing me to handcraft two to three graphs for each of these charge, current, time problems. I think I got it the first time. No, really.

I mean, I liked taking derivatives... in high school. Haven't looked back since (except for that time freshman year.. wasn't that an oops..). And I understand that such mathematical complexities are necessary, it's just that anytime I'd need to take a derivative, I will have a computer program to do that for me. Make CompSci majors take derivatives. They seem to enjoy inflicting pain upon themselves as it is.

Anyway, the next time I personally need to use my long unused calculus skills to save the day, I'll also eat my shoe. And I'll buy you a cover. Deal?

New Month, New Goals

2008-02-04T14:11:00.000-06:00

So, it's February. Far too many r's in that word for my liking. No, seriously.

I have a test within the hour. I would study for it, and I have, but I'm too worried about the homework/lab/test thing I have going for tomorrow. Then I have to stop to think, "It won't matter in a hundred years." It doesn't make me feel any better, especially when worrying could, in fact, change the entire course of my life. Which, in turn, will lead to different choices causing a different life and different future for my self and those I'm attached to. Then I get very existentialistic.

Sneezing, by the way, does wonders for existentialism.

Ash Wednesday, aka the beginning of Lent, is, like, two days away. True fact. As a soldier of God (practicing Catholic), I will dutifully report to my station (church) to receive my mark (cross of ashes on my forehead) and my mission (abstinence, charity, productivity). There will probably be a sacrifice (Eucharist) and a reference to God (worldly possessions). Altogether, I think it will be suitable commencement to this 40-day deployment (Lenten season), indicative of its value, etc.

Bugs, Physics, & A Wet Campus

2008-01-29T13:15:00.000-06:00

Now, I'm not afraid of bugs. Or-well- my fear of bugs is as easily squashed as a bug. However, when a roach tries to use my jacket while I am still using it... my fear explodes. When such an event occurs during a test... oh Lord, help me. For the record, I didn't freak out or anything. I just kinda took the jacket off and shook it out, discretely. Then I watched it climb up and around the pillar behind me.
Days that start like that don't end so well. While I didn't mind the physics (test or lab) so much, I definitely minded having a lab partner. I won't say that I'd have done the lab faster or more accurately. I'm just saying I don't like waiting for people to do nonexistent calculations. Really. It's kinda ridiculous.
Then, the campus has been wet for a few days. Not like in an alcoholic way (although that is true), but in, like, a it's-slippery-but-not-wet-kinda-damp-really-almost-forgot-to-take-the-meds-emo-kid sort of way.

Anyway, Bobby's almost here. I shouldn't blog when other people are over. It's not very polite.

Summary, things that I don't like:

bugs that like to hide in my jacket
physics tests that confuse me
lab partners who don't know what they are doing
Slippery campuses

-jcruz

I must be crazy...

2008-01-29T06:39:00.000-06:00

I went to bed last night at seven. Seven P-dot-M-dot. Ridiculously early, I know. I slept until 5:30 this morning. I know, who has that kind of time? Apparently I do, except I don't. I have this test at 8. A little more than an hour from now, then class until lunch. Lab at two-thirty. Dinner. Rehearsal. Test tomorrow too. Three staff meetings- two at the same time. double you, tea, eff. Honestly.
At least I have Peggy Lee to keep me company... "Hey big spender! Spend a little time with me... wouldn't you like to have fun?" jk.

-JCruz

Five Good Things

2008-01-28T14:45:00.000-06:00

No reading for Psyc!
Cast for The Odd Couple
Tea at the Master's house
xkcd.com
Peanuts comic strip

Seven Good Things

2007-11-19T21:16:00.000-06:00

Because I really really need it.

New Shoes by Paolo Nutini or whatever
Going home
Thanksgiving Break
Mass
Old friends
MOB
xkcd

I'm stupid.

2007-11-19T21:15:00.000-06:00

And really, that's all there is to it.

I was not meant to be a doctor.

Sincerely,
Jessica

Nine Good Things

2007-11-12T19:03:00.000-06:00

No more rehearsals.
Clean clothes.
Working A/C.
Typewriters.
Good listeners.
E-mails.
LARPs.
Learning about being a godparent.
Updating quotes.

Thirteen Good Things

2007-10-22T17:26:00.000-05:00

Musicals
Soundtracks to Musicals.
No, what musical? does not matter.
A certain saxophone player.
E-mail
Charlie Brown
Bipolar weather
Late nights
Late mornings
Friends, everywhere.
Updating a blog and a calendar.
Quoting, randomly, in song and word.
Gesturing, flute-like.

Oh, Why Must I Be So Uninformed?

2007-10-22T16:52:00.000-05:00

Just a thought I had.

So many things I just don't know. Really.

One might think that I knew enough about what I should know enough about, but, really, I don't.

And sometimes that's kinda sad.

In other news, I've entered into the final stages of unpacking/ putting stuff up (or away)/ decorating the room. Finally, I know. It's ridiculous.

Mmmmm. In case you didn't know, I was recently victimized, and have lost everything. E-mail me with your number or something, because I definitely lost Aida and my phone (along with the rest of my life, or, at least, whatever was in my purse).

Rice football makes me sad. :(

Bipolar Texas weather makes me happy. Yesterday was glorious; today is cold and rainy and -glorious (which has the same magnitude of glorious, just in the opposite direction). But it's not just cold... it's REALLY cold. And, of course, I had planned to pick up a few jackets from home, but as I was not able to go back home, I don't have ANY jackets. The powers that be (or GOD) are lucky that I'm fine with miserable weather, complete with wind, rain, and coldness. And, I guess, it's a good thing that I'm cool with it also.

The past few weeks have been both my happiest and my saddest. Both without reason. As usual. Well, I do have reasons for some of it. But it's mostly unknown. :D

Alas, I must return to my Memory readings lest I should fail my quiz tomorrow.

Sincerely.

2007-10-09T00:24:00.000-05:00

So.

Here I am. Again.

I think I'm here because I'm a failure at life. And God needs someone to laugh at.

I have a list of things to do about five times as long as I would like it to be, and I cannot bring myself to do them.

One item has been on there for a considerable amount of time.

Whatev.

How's everyone doing?
Later.

In My World

2007-09-27T13:23:00.000-05:00

Yay.

So. Once I finish my LING homework, I'll be done with school work until Sunday night or so.

But finishing LING- there's the catch.

Tonight the MOB is hosting a movie night. Animal House and The Blues Brothers. I've never seen either of them, so maybe now I'll get some jokes I'd never gotten before. Never. Gotten.

Um, so I definitely got this aMAZing deal from Microsoft. Search for "The Ultimate Steal" and you'll know what I'm talking about. MS Ultimate Office 2007 makes me happy. Like, really happy. I'm still learning about the new features and such, but I'm not at all opposed to MS. At all. Ever.

Mmm, well, that's all for now.

I'll definitely have to talk to certain people about my life, and soon.

2007-09-24T17:02:00.000-05:00

(5:04:30 PM) Jessica: I hate thinking about things to myself.
(5:04:33 PM) Jessica: Constantly.
(5:04:41 PM) Robert: yeah
(5:04:44 PM) Jessica: It drives me up the walls.
(5:04:45 PM) Robert: but you do it anyway, right?
(5:04:54 PM) Jessica: I'm obsessive, of course I do.

Yeah. I do. And I am.

ALL THE TIME.

In fact, right now, I'm obsessing over no fewer than five things. Consciously.

I dread the amount that are waiting just below. Or in the depths.

*shivers* But that's okay. I've got some things under control.

... Wait. Strike that. I don't.

Anyway. Run down of my life:

YAY!:

Will Rice Bowling
Half time shows
Exciting beginnings (just for you Mich!)
Flower Lights!
Flute Legion of Doom
Terry's Seafood
UT fans
Houston
Fitzy!!
Playing dress-up
Random questions

UGH!:

Rice football
cleaning the room
Broken pipes
Weird flute notes
tan, cos, sin
school work

So, I think that my YAY! outweighs my UGH!. Which is good, I think, for my overall health and mental stability.

Although I think that I might have smallish bipolarish tendencies. I mean, nothing's written in stone, but there's always the possibility.

:)

Six Good Things

2007-08-12T20:47:00.000-05:00

Walking shoes
Honey Bunches of Oats
iTunes playlists
homemade potato salad
chapstick
crossword puzzles

Tired.

2007-08-12T20:37:00.000-05:00

I am. And I deserve to be, I think, after the crap they put me through today.

First, they schedule me to work on a Sunday, when they know I'd rather not because Sundays are family days. And today is my last Sunday at home with my family for two weeks. How ridiculous.

But, you know, that's okay. I've worked Sundays before, my family's not doing anything really cool, and we're good with it. I clock in, and the manager comes and posts the lineup. The lady working in Women's had called in sick. I don't fault her at all. She's aMAZing, and I think any one who can stand to work in Women's is god-like. But she wasn't going to be there, so the girl in shoes and I would cover the area for her.

...

Only the girl in shoes called in and said she wouldn't be there for another two hours. (sigh)

The whole deal was exhausting, and it was busy. What a load of B.S.

Fo' serious. Who shops extensively on a Sunday?

Anyway.

I'm going to eat some cereal and take a nap before the fam gets home. Then a shower, and some light packing before my real nightnight time.

:)

Ten Good Things

2007-08-11T00:26:00.001-05:00

Snowball
Earrings and Skirts
Cupcakes
Beef fajitas (which totally goes with Vegetas, wink wink)
Ramen
Prince
Winston
Clean clothes
Stripey fish (I totally know the fish I'm getting!!)
Nice people
:)

Nice People

2007-08-11T00:22:00.001-05:00

So.

For the first time in a while, I witnessed one customer do a good deed for another.

Well, to be correct, the deed was only good for the customer... Not so much of a good thing for me. Disaster ensued. Still, the woman was thoughtful.

My brother had his learning permit laminated. I'm thinking that wasn't such a bright idea.

I've got a week left in work. Then, maybe, I transfer to Houston. I mean, I transfer myself to Houston on the 18th (woohoo!), but, maybe, I will get transfered. ("will" = future, "-ed" = past tense... what do I do?? what do I do??) Whatev. I understand.

Went to the doctor today. He said I was good to go. But he didn't say to where, so I don't know who or what he thinks I am. I came up with a non-comprehensive list, though:

Taco Bell's grilled *
luggage
a form of mass transportation
a finished test product
psychic (I mean, he shouldn't know that I am)
someone who really has to go to the restroom
food product of a good fast food restaurant
an exotic dancer

Okay.

Night night time.

Seven Good Things

2007-08-09T23:08:00.001-05:00

Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix score <3
Disturbia
Shopping
Polka dots
new pants
my bed
Rice University

Gift Shopping

2007-08-09T22:59:00.001-05:00

I totally hate shopping. Don't act surprised. I hate shopping. No, I don't hate it because I can (as I have previously). I have a real reason. I know what it means to "go shopping", now. I've undergone a transformation. I hate it because I love it.

Mostly.

I mention it because we (= fam - dad) went shopping for my cousin today. She's having her second birthday party on Saturday. I haven't seen her since my graduation in 2006. But anyway. We went shopping for her and I managed to buy a polka dotted headband and matching watch for myself. I must admit, they are fantastically cute.

We ate at Terry's today. Simply aMAZing. Terry's Seafood and Chicken is in East Austin (where no one should travel unaccompanied-- my mom says so) and was well worth the trip. :)

My sister and I were unable to see Bratz today, as they are not showing it at the Starplex. She said to me, "Well, my second choice is The Simpsons." I'd love to watch it with her. ... If I knew that she wouldn't act stupid afterwards, or if the stupidity would stay isolated. But no. I'm almost positive the silliness would run rampant through the entire family (= Sam, Mark, Mingo, Dad), causing me to have a mental breakdown. At the end of my summer vay-kay. I get enough of the idiocy from them watching the previews of the movie.

Don't mistake my intentions here. I don't mind the show (or, by extension, the movie). I mind my siblings acting stupidly, especially as they are not stupid. Gah.

MMMMMMMMk.

It has taken me about an hour to write this silly blurb. (I know this because I've listened to the HP5 score. It's beautiful. Fabulous end.) The tooth fairy comes for my sister's tooth tonight, and I still must complete my good things post.

Peace.

Five Good Things

2007-08-09T00:21:00.001-05:00

I will resume my "good things" posts.

I've got to ward off depression somehow.

:)

High School Musical 2
Shia LaBeouf
Steak
Stalking people on The Book
Samantha

For Janelle :)

2007-08-09T00:17:00.001-05:00

So.

I'm playing catch-up.

This summer I've:

worked
gone to Corpus
worked
stalked people via Facebook
worked
slept
Kris. Kimura. (loving sigh, dream filled eyes)
worked
forgotten to take my medicine
worked
read/watched Harry Potter
worked
checked out some houses
hated my doctor
become obsessed with Disney Channel
worked
watched any number of movies
bought school clothes
worked

I just watched Disturbia. Terribly fantastic movie.

Facebook (unfortunately) has once again started showing AIM availability. (Unfortunate because I am Facebook.)

I'm going to go watch Bratz tomorrow. My sister is going to pay for my ticket (JAY-KAY! I'll pay for the ticket; I'm not going to be cheap about it).

.....

In other news, I will be heading back to Houston on the morning of the eighteenth of August (TEN MORE DAYS!!! AH!).

Much love,
Peace out,

J.Cruz, out.

Learning a New Thing

2007-08-09T00:02:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I wonder about people.

Okay.

Most times I wonder about people.

Like, fo' serious.

Working retail makes it easier for me to study people, to watch them, and learn about them.

Some lady changed her infant's diaper in Marshalls. On the tables showcasing the carpets. Without a worry about who was watching. Or who would be browsing through carpets later.

Typical.

A man asked my opinion about an outfit he had picked out for his thirteen year old daughter, whom he had not seen in just over eight years. He nearly cried when he told me this would be the first time he'd held her or talked to her in nearly nine years. That must be difficult.

Touching.

Hordes of children (and their parents) honestly believe a toy department is an operating daycare. The treacherous little monsters throw more than the toys when their parents say no.

Jerks.

Employees will talk about anyone and anything. No one is exempt, and no one, apparently, has ever done anything good. Maybe they discuss only my good qualities.

Ha.

Whatev. At least I've learned something. People are people.

Later.

Tantra

2007-06-26T23:34:00.000-05:00

is amazing.

Try it sometime.

I love The Perks of a Wallflower.

It's amazing.

I'm trying out new ideas.

I'll post later.

Two Cigarette Train

2007-06-14T13:10:00.000-05:00

There's a beetle crawling towards me as I type. Kinda freaked out, not gonna lie.

It's really hot outside.

Like, Texas hot. Texas-in-summer hot. Front-door-open, Texas-in-summer hot.

The fish are kissing, and the cat is climbing the screen door. He's almost able to open it, now. He knows to push the button, but he isn't strong enough to fully depress it. He thinks I'm gonna let him in. What am I? A pushover? Hardly. I'll let him in anyway. . . in a few hours. Or minutes. Not days, that's mean. Not seconds, that's kind.

Luckily, I don't work on Father's Day. I'm fairly certain my fam wouldn't be too happy 'bout that.

I'm just waiting for the CWS. Can't wait.

(Did I succeed?)

To Meet A New Friend

2007-06-06T22:14:00.000-05:00

First, let me say that I've never really met anyone under awkward circumstances... (by this I mean to exclude meeting someone who is working the street with me) However, last night, the opportunity arose. It was actually quite exciting. Meeting the friend of a friend for the first time while the friend of the friend is in jail... not the best first impression, perhaps. Good thing it was almost my curfew or that first meeting would have been, uh, rough. It's also a good thing that I usually don't remember meeting people for the first time.

Wait.

Yeah.

I don't remember meeting Michael. Or Janelle. Or Ashley. Or Marcos. Or Sam. Or Torrey. I don't remember meeting anyone at Rice, although I do remember the first time I saw Robert and Brian in person. I think the only reason I can "remember" meeting Brittany is because I didn't remember, like, sophomore year and she "refreshed" my memory (You know, of course, we met freshman year. And me "remembering" is the word 'Big Bird').

Anyway.

That was an interesting night.

Goodnight.