SIXTEEN Good Things

1. lyrical recitations on Walls
2. B.Wilder
3. Peter Gorilla
4. sombreros
5. crying in chapels
6. happy IMs
7. happy e-mails
8. Juanes
9. PDRs
10. Back to the Future & 'jigawatts'
11. Last day of classes
12. going home!
13. OC cast/crew
14. beaches
15. fotografias :)
16. Spanish poetry

an IM from a friend

simply stated, "you are amazing.  that is all."  And you know, I feel better.  I've been pretty down lately, yes.  I am only beginning to realize the magnitude of the icebergs under my water.  I think I can handle some of the work myself, but more and more I notice that I need small things, a voicemail from my family, an IM from a friend, little yellow flowers, to really get through other parts of it. 

Yeah, I have my friends, and, believe me, I know they help when they can, when they know I need it.  Now, I'm not depreciating the value of their friendship (because I couldn't live without them), but they can't fix my problems for me.  I have to see the solution, I have to want to get to it, I need to help myself. 

Just a thought.

...

I have an Orgo test tonight.  Exciting stuff, no?  I was really disappointed to find out that Keith's recital is in the middle of the test; I totally would've gone.  Some things just don't work out I guess. 

I heard he's going to Germany next year. :)  I'm sorta jealous, not gonna lie.  I think I want to go to Brazil.  Or Africa.  I feel like most people go to some place in Europe, which is totally cool and all, but just this side of overused?  Probably not.  Plenty of people want to visit Brazil, right?  It even has a song about it! 

:::

The Odd Couple is finished.  A work in progress since January is finally done!  It was a great run, and I really did enjoy it. Granted, it was a month-long extension of play-related stress, but it was worth it, I think, and I feel that we had a great group of people to work with.  idk, for the people, I don't want it to end.  I suppose that's how friends are made.  Keeping them is a completely different civilization. ;)

And I do hope I keep the friendships.  Some will, somewhat inevitably, decline rapidly; others might last forever.  I won't know until forever comes (which, theologically, could happen at any moment), but I do know I shouldn't dwell on such thoughts. :)

 

Cada vez que te busca te vas, cada vez que te llamas no estas...

Es por eso que debo decir que tu solo en mis fotos estas...

-j.cruz

Facebook | The Odd Couple: Opening Night!

I know you're excited.  I am. :):):):):):):):):)

Facebook | The Odd Couple: Opening Night!

Sunshine

I love sitting out in the sun.  Vitamin D is such a wonderful feeling.  Lately it seems as though I haven't had enough time to enjoy little things, like the sun or the breeze or crunchy gravel or sweet red cherries.  You know, the things that really matter.

In fact, it seems as though I don't have time for anything.  I mean, I do what needs doing, for the most part, but life (or Life) is more than doing what needs doing.  It should include deep friendships, cool rivers, huge trees, good food, sitting in the sun, feeling the wind, talking up a storm, listening to the silence, soft tissues, fun problems, learning, play time, dancing, working hard and concentrating...

I've tried to balance myself this year, but more and more I realize that I am full of hills, mountains, valleys, and canyons.  Sometimes the change is sudden and nearly frightful.  Other times, I feel like I'm cruising on a gradual slope.  I don't know.

...

I had a talk with God today.  We made small talk to begin, but I had a few things on which I needed His honest opinion.  I don't usually have a difficult time listening; it's usually more difficult to understand the hows and whys.  I think I have my answers, now, but it doesn't make it any easier.  Mostly because I'm so stubborn.  Partly because I've no self-discipline anymore.  Slightly because I make excuses for everything.

No, please don't think that I'm sad or depressed.  I know what I need to fix, which is infinitely better than before, so I'm, actually, content.

:::

I don't want to watch Life through a window.  I don't want to take someone's word about the wind or the sun or the rain, but I don't want to lose sight of who I am and who I want to be. 

I want to sit in the sunshine and smile.

 

-j.cruz

(:

Backward smilies are awk-ward. I know you agree with me. They, like, try to fool you about being sad, but not really. idk. I guess I put too much thought into the backward smiley. I mean, I have a smiley poster and it is called the 'left-handed smiley'. Honestly. Emoticons, I'm fairly certain, are free from the confines of handedness.

Just a thought.

-j.cruz

Six Good Things

1. SAS show
2. full runthroughs
3. friends :)
4. ko1, because he's going to read it. :P
5. mmm, fuzzy yarn
6. your mom

THOUGHT!

I've told some people about this, to mixed reactions. I want a small gorilla. I'm aiming for something infant sized.

It would be more practical than a dog (opposable thumbs are the shiznit!), although messier than a cat. I could teach it sign language, like Amy from Congo, and we could have somewhat unintelligible conversations. I think it'd be cool. I thought infant sized would be best, if only because it could attach itself to my neck, and it wouldn't be too much weight.

For example:



Cheap would be fine, but it was to have long enough arms.

Hmmmm.

-j.cruz

Thinking

Thank you to Marcos, Bobby, Mom, and, especially, Robert and Caroline.

Marcos, you may never read this, but your voicemail this morning was so... ugh, I can't even- it was indescribable. Thank you.

Bobby, you might read this, and thanks for listening to me about my many issues. They are, well, innumerable.

Mom, I know you will never read this, but I thought I'd let you know that you were right. of course. People shouldn't use me, and I shouldn't use other people.

Robert and Caroline. I don't even know if I can separate the two of you. Both of you are so encouraging, so supportive, so reasonable it nearly kills me. This whole play ordeal... man. I think, really, the two of you kept me sane. I'm pretty sure I would've irrecoverably broken down if the two of you hadn't made me listen and think.

And, fyi, my 'thinking' and 'thanking' are nearly interchangeable. :)

Twelve Necessarily Great Things

1. http://www.youtube.com/v/Li5nMsXg1Lk
2. I have no idea if that link works, and I'm cool with it. :)
3. God.
4. Going home on Tuesday!
5. Play is almost done... play is almost done... play is almost done...
6. Zoos
7. Dance lessons :)
8. Dinner parties
9. best roommate, ever.
10. family and family-not-family.
11. FLUTING!
12. Finishing work before midnight (a fantastical feeling, I assure you)
    

I Can't Take It Anymore

No, really. Not to toot my own horn, but I consider myself to be a fairly patient person. I think that I can take a whole bunch of crap, then release my anger/upsetedness/etc into the wild. I think it takes a lot for me to get so worked up about something that I can't think straight. But now it's happened. In who knows how long, I'm actually really pissed off. Thoroughly peeved.

When you give someone a job, you let them do it. If they don't do the way you want them to, you should've given better instructions. Now, it is understandable to re-do what someone has done (or not done) if you gave explicit instructions, and they failed to follow them. BUT if that person followed your instructions to the t, and you don't like it, you have two options:

1. Tell them that you don't like it, and see what they can do to change it. It may be that you have absolutely NO idea about the problems that came up, and this was the absolute last resort. It could also be that you somehow implied that you effing wanted it that way. You won't know until you ask.
2. Deal with it. You gave them an assignment. (Re-)Doing their work only makes them feel used, unnecessary, and upset. If you change it, you will undermine who they are as a person.

Now, I know that I am guilty of this offense. I KNOW IT TO BE TRUE, but I've also apologized and tried to make up for it. I ALSO KNOW WHAT MY JOB IS, or at least what I've most recently been expected to do. WHEN I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DO MY EFFING JOB, yes, actually, I get kinda upset. ("kinda" being a Jessica "kinda")

*sigh* Okay, so I have left and come back. I will not change my words. I am upset. I had a job, and my job, without warning, was taken away from me. I'd like to have it back.

kthxbai.

Ten Pretty Freakin' Awesome Things

Because I really need one.

1. Finding twenty dollars.
2. Having an awesome best friend as a proxy
3. "Shout, Parts 1 & 2" by the Isley Brothers
4. Having at least two best friends who are extremely happy
5. "**, yo."
6. cast friends. :):):)
7. Flute playing!!
8. Cleaning my room (I'm almost done!!)
9. Good listeners...
   
10. Having a list of good things :)