Sunshine

I love sitting out in the sun.  Vitamin D is such a wonderful feeling.  Lately it seems as though I haven't had enough time to enjoy little things, like the sun or the breeze or crunchy gravel or sweet red cherries.  You know, the things that really matter.

In fact, it seems as though I don't have time for anything.  I mean, I do what needs doing, for the most part, but life (or Life) is more than doing what needs doing.  It should include deep friendships, cool rivers, huge trees, good food, sitting in the sun, feeling the wind, talking up a storm, listening to the silence, soft tissues, fun problems, learning, play time, dancing, working hard and concentrating...

I've tried to balance myself this year, but more and more I realize that I am full of hills, mountains, valleys, and canyons.  Sometimes the change is sudden and nearly frightful.  Other times, I feel like I'm cruising on a gradual slope.  I don't know.

...

I had a talk with God today.  We made small talk to begin, but I had a few things on which I needed His honest opinion.  I don't usually have a difficult time listening; it's usually more difficult to understand the hows and whys.  I think I have my answers, now, but it doesn't make it any easier.  Mostly because I'm so stubborn.  Partly because I've no self-discipline anymore.  Slightly because I make excuses for everything.

No, please don't think that I'm sad or depressed.  I know what I need to fix, which is infinitely better than before, so I'm, actually, content.

:::

I don't want to watch Life through a window.  I don't want to take someone's word about the wind or the sun or the rain, but I don't want to lose sight of who I am and who I want to be. 

I want to sit in the sunshine and smile.

 

-j.cruz